the things we know

I love inside jokes. Not that I like to exclude people; I just like that you can know something about someone that you know will make them laugh over and over. I just got a FB status comment that made me laugh. It was from a friend who although she lives far away and I don't see or talk to her much, knows me better than most people. And she remembers things about me. I think it is the little things that we remember about each other that really cement a friendship. Some of my favorite things in life are the things that remind me of other people. Like when I see an owl, I think of Kelly, and when I see crickets or sing "Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus", I can't help but think of Misty, or when I see a really cute pedicure, I think of my friend Toni and her cute feet. When I walk around the house singing about life with Zoey, I think of Jennifer. The list could go on about the people I love. Although I have a terrible memory, God has blessed me with the gift of association. And he is constantly helping me to remember that I am surrounded by such lovely people that I get to call friend. Happy sigh.

picture post

 Zoey's Sunday school class made little lamb ears, and I have to say she looks hella cute.

 First halloween celebration at school-it was a little cold that day, hence the tights.

 Halloween tradition-The Knippers and the Harlans. Our cute girls getting ready to head out.

I convinced our neighbors to dress up their little boy as Bam-Bam. Aren't they the cutest?

 We went to Pioneer Days at Jesse Jones Park. I haven't been there since I was a kid. It was so fun! Zoey even got her face painted. I was super impressed with how still she sat. Such a big girl.

 We had a great Thanksgiving. Zoey got to play with all her cousins. The food was great. The break in general was so great-I needed it. John took some time off and we spent the whole break together. It was heaven.

 We decorate my parents Christmas tree every year, and this year, my mom decided that we would all wear white for a family picture. This is one of my favorite things that we do, and it really starts the Christmas season for me. Zoey gets it this year, which is so fun. She helped put ornaments on and everything. She is really into all the decorations.

Zoey and I decorated a "gingerman" house. It was fun, but boy, was it messy. Zoey seemed a little more interested in eating the candy than getting it on the house. The end result was not pretty, but we have it proudly displayed in our kitchen. Zoey is still sneaking candy.

Making an attempt

It is the last day before Thanksgiving break, and I am with my dreaded beloved 5th period class. In addition, I am finding it hard to pull myself out of the hole these days. It takes every piece of my energy to put on the somewhat happy face and do what I am supposed to do. By the end of the day, my body physically hurts from the exertion. All I really want to do is be in my bed. I could live there. I just want to sleep my life away right now. I am clinging with all my might to scripture, but I feel like my grip might be slipping a little. I feel like if I could just have a better attitude then all this would surely go away.If I could just stop focusing on all my shortcomings and instead hone on my blessings...I don't know.  My focus has been on survival. I think my battle is really with myself. Never have I met a harder opponent. Man, can I put up a fight. I am sure that God is allowing me to have all these emotions for a reason, but I have been telling him that there is not much more to me that he can break down, so job well done and let's move on to the next thing. So, all that to say, I am once again here to list the things that I am grateful for. The blessings that I have been given that give me hope.

71. The pumpkin spice tea that John bought me the other day. It warms my hands and my soul.
72. The energy to do the laundry and make dinner last night. It's been awhile since I haven't felt completely overwhelmed with all things domestic.
73. Massages. I wish I could get one every week instead of just once a month. But hey, once a month is pretty good.
74. comfortable jeans
75. The Library
76. My Zoey girl
77. A husband who seems to know when I need to talk and when I don't. One who tries his best to figure me out when I am such an enigma to myself.
78. Multiple Thanksgiving celebrations
79. A movie date already planned with the brother
80. The ladies in my Bible study who have been on this journey with me and haven't judged me when I am falling completely apart in front of them. It's pretty embarassing to be the blubbering idiot, but instead of making me feel little, they just encouraged me and prayed for me. Those are my real friends.
81. This scripture which has been my mantra for the past weeks.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." Psalm 42:11(my italics) This is the promise that I cling to. I will again praise him, for he is worthy of my praise. And my praise will be effortless and joyful. And that enough for now.

argh

I just do not like my 5th period class. They are so completely obnoxious. So rude. And there are only 6 of them! However, I think they have absolutely no clue about how to talk to adults. They are so inappropriate. And they never take responsibilty for the way they talk or their actions. Nothing is ever their fault. I hope their parents teach them better, but as they are right now, I have little hope for them in the future. I CAN"T STAND THEM. And even more, I hate that I dislike them so much. Why should six kids bother me? I guess it is because I have little to no adult interaction during the day. The little interaction that I get is simply aimed at trying to belittle me or make me second guess myself. I don't need any help with that. I hate my job this year. So much that I am wracking my brain to think of what else I could do, but I don't think I am qualified for anything. The whole thing makes me so sad and tired. I used to love Thursdays, because it was a whole day where I got to work and feel productive, but now it is a dread. And I am completely alone. I have no teamto help me. I have no text book (well, I do, but it is HORRIBLE). I am so tired of trying to teach these kids who do not want to hear what I have to say. They honestly do not think they need this. I wish I could just level with them and remind them that they are in here because they can't read, but while that may be the truth, they would deny it to the end. They probably think that they failed the TAKS test three times because there was something wrong with the test. Stupid kids. There is one in particular who I would love to pull aside and say "The day you actually take responsibilty for yourself is the day you become a man. Until then, you are nothing but a sad, scared little boy." However, he would argue with me that he wasn't small, even though he he tiny.
All I want to do is lay my head down and admit defeat. They win.

Multitude Tuesday

I am really bad at keeping up with this, but oh well. This blog is just for my benefit, right? I used to just soak up the sound of my fingers clicking away on the keyboard, but lately I have just wanted to spend my free minutes being totally free. Some call it meditation; I call it staring into space. Anyway, I'll pick up where I left off:

61. THE RIGHT TO VOTE! I voted this morning and I feel great to have done my civic duty. And, as it turns out, the place where I was supposed to vote was my school. So easy!

62. Halloween. I had so much fun with the Simpson/Burleson/Harlans. I love our Halloween traditions. And it is just going to get better. Zoey and Emma were so cute this year! They loved getting candy and each house was a novelty. I love that they get it this year. Zoey is already looking forward to next year, and so am I! Next year Baby B will be here! One more trick or treater! Yippee!

63. The little bump that is beginning to manifest on my sister usually flat belly. The sorority went maternity shopping the other day, and my sister is going to be the cutest preggo ever.

64. My brother and his girlfriend. I really like my brother's girlfriend. She is just cool. And she comes and hangs out with us even without my brother around. How cool is she? I'm attached.

65. The fact that after Zoey exploded from too many sweets at school, I was okay to clean everything up. I even forced myself to stand upstairs with the sicky for awhile. It was a short while, but it was a step. It was God, and not my meds, that helped me do that. He is so good.

66. This Bible study that I am doing called The Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free. It is so good. I was totally skeptical at first, but as pointed out to me by my sweet husband, I get on the defensive a lot. Once I got over that, my eyes were opened to how many lies I believe. Sometimes it is as though this book were written for me.

67. The group of women that I get to study God's word with. I love love love my Bible Study. The women are real and unjudgemental-true women of God. I learn so much from them. Plus, they are fun to be around. We laugh all the time.

68. A husband who can cook! Boy howdy can that man cook.

69. finger nails that are ready for the holidays! I love red nails.

70. A little mini shopping spree for the bug this morning. On our first really chilly day (Yeah, November and we haven't been chilly yet. Houston weather is so frustrating.), I realized Zoey was totally unprepared for the chill. I had to go get her some long sleeved stuff. It was fun. I love shopping for that girl. Oh heck, I just love shopping.

birthday

The above pictures are all from my birthday. John took the day off and whisked us away to the beach for the day. We eneded the day with cupcakes from Sprinkles. It was wonderful. Zoey was IN LOVE. She now talks about the beach all the time.  The weather was perfect. It wasn't too cold to not enjoy the water. We really didn't plan to get in the water, but as you can see, Zoey had other plans. We just went ahead and stripped her down to her pull up and let her play. No one else was there to care and she had a  great time. I am a believer in going to the beach in the fall now. Everything is so much better in the fall.

Multitude Monday

I haven't posted in so long, which I hate, but I really haven't had anything to say, and I feel like all I ever do is make lists. But this is my blog, and I love making lists. I would love to have something deep and profound to say, but I am not a deep and profound person, so I won't pretend.

51. Good friends. I have such an abundance of good friends. I wish that I could accurately express what they mean to me, but I fail at that alot.

52. The fall, the fall, the glorious fall! I put my fall decorations out today, even though the first day of fall is not until Thursday. I helped a friend decorate her house yesterday and it just ispired me. I wish I had pictures of Martha's glorious witch laden house. It is truly a dessert to the eyes. I am in love.

53. Counting down the days until one of my essential to life friends comes to see me. I CANNNNNOOOOTTTT wait.

54. Several friends whom I cherish that understand that while I am not so good at communicating, they are on my heart and mind constantly.

55. Zoey "reading" to herself. It is so absurdly cute to listen to that girl read to herself. She takes part of the story that she has memorized and mixes it with part of what she interprets from the pictures. It is my favorite thing about her at the moment. Here is a sampling: "Hola, I'm Dora. This is Boots. Babies drink bottles and wear diapers." I don't do it justice.

56. Having a job that I love. Although I struggle through each day with what I am going to teach because I have no team and my cirriculum is TERRIBLE, I love my students. I wish I could just hang out with them and laugh with them when I really wanted to.

57. The baby growing in my sister's belly. I love that little baby so much already. This is how I should have felt when I was preg with the bug, but I am glad I get to experience this with my neice or nephew.

58. Great neighbors. I love our neighbors across the street. They have a 2 and a half year old too. It is soooo fantastic. Really like a dream. Zoey loves Ethan so much. And I love Ethan's mom. I never thought I would have neighbors that are also friends. It is such a cherry.

59. My birthday month

60. a comfy bed that I share with the love of my life. I think this might be my very favorite thing about my life-the privilege of sharing my bed each night. I love holding hands in the dark and chatting and laughing in bed. What a sweet reward. It makes all right in the world.

Multitude Monday/Tuesday

Well, I am catching up on a Tuesday morning, but with school starting, I gave myself a break. Zoey was such an absolute joy yesterday. What a sweet girl she is most days. She is turning into such a little mommy. She loves to command anyone near her to "lie down, drink your bottle, cry." It's just so funny. At the same time, she will take care of you. She will cover you with a blanket, or even one of the beloved BBs. Sometimes you might even get a little pat. So sweet.
She seems to be doing okay at daycare (which we call school-I don't know, it just makes me feel better). I don't know if she loves it as much as I imagined she would, but she hasn't complained, so I guess she likes it okay. She isn't sleeping great there, but that just means she sleeps later in the morning. I wish it were both.
She did throw-up at school the first week. Maybe she ate too much and was running around too much after, I don't know. Nightmare is what it really was. They couldn't get me on the phone, so they called John and he went and got her. We need to tell them that needs to just happened every time. What a great husband. That leads me to my list. I am not so sure where I left off, so here is a guess.

41. a sweet little girl

42. a great friend staying with me while John is in California

43. going back to work

44. Target

45. A school atmosphere that is so happy and positive instead of chaotic

46. a good rainstorm yesterday

47. a God who does not prey on my fears

48. a husband that I miss terribly

49. being able to travel because of John's job-going to meet him in San Francisco on Friday!

50. Above mentioned friend watching my little tiny while I am away and knowing she is in good care.

2010-03-05

Click here to view these pictures larger

2010-03-05

Click here to view these pictures larger

5 Ws and an H

Yesterday I was in one of our many meetings, listening to how we can close the achievement gap between the different groups of kids in our schools. It was a really good conversation. I was relatively interested. I mean, it was my nap time, and I was kinda thinking about how I wanted to get a pedicure, but all that changed when one of the assistant principals brought up something that actually shook me to the core. On the board he wrote "WHO?, WHAT?, WHERE?, WHEN?, WHY?, HOW?" Being an English teacher, I have taught that over and over, but he was about to teach it to me in a completely different way.
He looked at us and said, "How many of your kids know who they are? They might say I am__________, I  am  a boy/girl, and I am X years old." They might even go as far as tyo say they are an athlete or a Christian or a musician, but that is not enough. Could you say who you really are. I mean think about that question for a minute. I did. It really bothered me that I didn't really seem to like what my answer was. This is who (I think, correct me if I am wrong) I am: I am Ashley. I am 28 years old, and I am and I am a woman. I am a wife to John and an mother to Zoey. I am a follower of Christ although not as strongly as I should be by any means at times, this being one of those times I think. I am obsessively afraid of throw-up. I am very selfish. I love holidays. I love teaching, but I am only mediocre at it. Not much of an original thinker. I love to read. I'm proud of my family and my friends, although I don't always show it. I am not just a wife, I am a friend to my husband, and I love my husband passionately. I rely on him too much sometimes I think. I am a person who longs to be better stuck inside a person who is too afraid and too lazy to do anything about it. Oh yeah, and I am also really honest about myself.

So I sat in this meeting on the brink of tears realizing that I was not sure I wanted to face the reality of who I was, because if I did, I may not like it. But I guess we all have to do some unpleasant things sometimes. I guess now that I have it in writing, I can work on it. I looko at the list and I am little overwhelmed. Maybe I'll start running or something. Physical fitness seems to cover a multitude of sins.   

This has really got me thinking. I am doing WHAT next.

Multitude Monday

The summer is fast coming to an end, and I realized that my last post was pretty sad, and although I cried all the tears I could in a short time period, the effects have lingered it seems. It has been a stretch to be in a thankful mindset, although that is extremely selfish to admit. But, I find myself on enjoying a week with John at home, and I have so many things to be thankful for.

31. a husband on vacation

32. a car that has been paid off! Woohoo!

33. lemonade pie

34. being a part of a team (Go Team Knippers!) that makes decisions for our family together. We went preschool shopping today, and I can legitimately say that John is in on the decision making process just as much as I am.

35. comfortable pajamas

36. A sweet friend who added another addition to her family last week. Welcome to the world, baby Ben!

37. One word: Schlitterbahn
We took the youth to Schlitterbahn last Thursday, and it was a total blast. We did have to wait in monumentally long lines, but I had a great time hanging out with the kids and soaking up some rays...

38. two words: no sunburn
...but not too many rays!!!!!!

39.cupcakes (wink)

40. an affectionate little girl

Sad news to share

That is the title of the e-mail that we always get in the district when someone has had a loved one pass away. This time the email could be from me. My sweet Meme went home last night. I miss her, but I have missed her for a long time. She had alzhiemer's (I really don't know how to spell that.), and these past few years have been hard watching her deteriorate. I say that as a granddaughter, but I know it was even harder for my Papa. It was a testament to love to watch my Papa care for her though. It was a full time job for him-one not entirely without its rewards. Not even her illness could rob her of her sweet spirit. Although she forgot us, she never forgot that we were people that she loved. Even at the end. And she never forgot my Papa. She would light up when he entered a room. When he wasn't around, she constantly wanted to know where he was, and she would pretty much sit in his lap when they were sitting on the couch together. My grandmother adored my grandfather, and he felt just as passionately about her. While she was on the hospital, he sat contentedly next to her, sometimes holding her hand, for more than 12 hours a day. So, although I miss her so much already, I can't even imagine what my grandfather feels like. That is the thing that breaks my heart the most-that and how sad my mom is. However sad we are, our sadness can be lessened because we know that my Meme has been made new in Heaven. She is now with her two sons that went before her, and more importantly rejoicing with our God. My grandmother loved us well, and I know that I was blessed to have her for my own. She was so precious. I look forward to seeing her again someday the way that I remember her.

Multitude Monday

21. A friend that just found out they are having a little baby girl

22. a sleeping bug

23. Macaroni and cheese

24. Going to the pool with my sweet friend, Kelli

25. finding my flip flops

26. texts from my sister

27. Christian romance novels

28. warm blankets

29. the idea of having my family back home next week

30. the blue sky outside my window.

Multitude Monday

Okay, Misty, here it is.

It has been quite a weekend, and I think once again, I am in need of remembering things I am grateful for.

11. A fantastic sister. Seriously, she is so great.

12. great music on my Ipod

13. wonderful grandparents

14. Watching my grandfather so lovingly care for the waning love of his life. I know it is a hard and taxing job, but his devotion to her blows me away. I hope I have even a little bit of his devotion and love in me.

15. A little girl who took it upon herself to take her diaper off and poop in the potty while mommy was on the phone. Such a pleasant surprise.

16. An impending trip to San Francisco!

17. fresh watermelon

18. no accidents so far this morning

19. coming home to an amazingly clean house-it is so welcoming to come home to a house that is tidy.

20. An amazig husband who sent me to Waco for the weekend no questions asked even though he had to work Sat. morning. And then cleaned the house for me while he was home with the buggle by himself. Blessed, blessed, blessed.

picture post

I am so bad about postinf pictures, because I get so lazy, so here are our adventures since April. I'm feeling too lazy to make up captions right now, so feel free to make up your own.

Random bits

Okay, just a little bored today and not willing to fight battles that I should (i.e. taking away the jellybeans Zoey is currently playing with and making her go sit on the potty). Just feeling lazy. What is a girl to do? Blog of course!
 
Here are some funny things that have happened recently:

John sat on the plane next to a professional hunter/conservationalist. Doesn't sound that bad does it? Howevver, it was a woman named Samantha who gave him her business card. On one side was her actual picture-pretty professional looking. On the other side is a full lenght cartoony looking picture of her looking like an ad for a hunter/stripper. In other words, huge boobs pretty much hanging out. It is hilarious. I mean really? What does that have to do with hunting? It looks a little like an adult halloween costume ad for a vixern hunter. Cheese o rama. Also, Kelly pointed out, how can you be a hunter and a conservationalist? Hmm. Good point.
One of my worst nightmares came to fruition last week. Zoey walked in on the hubs and I. I think you know what I mean. I am afraid that I have scarred her for life. Yeesh. Talk about akward moments. All the sudden we heard, "Hi! I wake up!" If I hadn't been so mortified, I would have thought the whole thing funny.
Yesterday John was giving Zoey kisses, and she said, "Okay, Daddy. Enough." It was a classic moment.
I am presently finding myself entralled in Barney. I am such a mom. I wish I could spenf the day shopping online and getting my toenails done. I got them done recently, but they are already looking shoddy.
I have a prayer request: I am trying to find a babysitter for Zoey for the fall. I want to do God's will, but I am having a hard time discerning what that is. I have been so blessed with our past babysitters. They have just fallen into our lap. It's not so easy this time. I am aware that I have some time to decide, but I really would like this one little part of my life to be figured out. I have enough things befuddling me right now.
Well, that 's all for now. I have wasted enough of everyone's time. Maybe now I will do a little online shopping. Or maybe I will just love on my girl. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Put in contacts, love on girl.

Yet another list

I was inspired by another friend to make another list-one that might be a neccesity to make. Yesterday was disasterous. I had a sinus infection, it was my first full day home with the girl, track camp was a flop, and to top it off, Zoey got sick when we got home. Yeah, that kind of sick. I can barely write that. The medicine is crap. However, my precious, precious husband was so good to remind me that God is so much bigger than fear and odds. So, here is my list of things that I am grateful for:

1. a amazing, Godly husband

2. being held together with strong arms when I am falling apart

3. a husband who honestly does not mind caring for a sick little girl

4. a husband who does not resent my fears

5. A God whose mercy is unfailing

6. A God whose love is shown to me through my husband

7. antibiotics

8. a husband who is devastatingly handsome

9. after 7 years of hiding embarassing things, being able to trust my husband enough to tell him absolutely everything.

10. A husband who loves every part of me-even the parts I hate with a passion.

I can only thank God for loving me so much that he truly gave me the perfect partner. He is not perfect (who is?), but he is gosh, just so great. I am blessed to experience this kind of love.

Things I am a sucker for...

I am inspired by my Kelly. I am a sucker for...

a certain little sandy haired  girl with green eyes

info-mercials

small businesses

dessert

online shopping

pretty undergarments

books with girly covers

making lists

Coming to an end

As we speak, my fifth period is eating lunch in my classroom. A couple of weeks ago, they asked if they could start eating with me, and of course I said yes. I thought it might wear me out to not have a little break, but I LOVE IT. I love my kids so much (well, most of them anyway). I am going to be so sad on the last day of school. This year, above all other years, I have enjoyed my kids the most. It is probably because I have a class of 10, a class of 12, and a class of 6. I know; it is unbelievably great. Plus, I just love 6th graders. I never thought I would, but I adore them. They are still young enough to like their teacher. So, right now, I am just watching them play trashketball, and just soaking it all in. I am so happy. I love when life saturates a place.

On a completely different note-I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow. I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow. I am going to Claremont tomorrow. I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow!......... I think you might get the picture that I am somewhat excited about our little vacation. All day Monday I thought it was Tuesday. I even pulled the trash to the sidewalk before I realized that it was Monday. I think I was subconsciously trying to speed up the week. Oh my gosh. I am hardly wait. It is going to be so great. Relaxing and just enjoying the beautiful weather with a few touristy things here and there-that is my idea of a vacation. On a happy note-My sweet Kelly has definitely made this week much more than simply bearable. I am so thankful to have a friend who will drop everything to come and help me out. Kindness in body form.

bugly antics

Zoey has been so funny lately. It seems that she turned into a whole new person when she turned two. I mean, the girl has TONS of personality and a great sense of humor. I genuinely get a good laugh with her a couple times a week. Sometimes I am laughing at her, but there are times when she is truly trying to be funny.        
              She does something that John calls "shifty eyes." She will be doing something a little sneaky and she will look at you from the very corner of her eyes. Then she shift her eyes to the other corner all while having a hug silly grin on her face. One of the things that I also love is her idea that the closer she gets to your face, the more important her need is. She will put her nose to my nose to ask for "jelbeansh" (jellybeans) and "fwootnacks" (fruit snacks). And often when she is this close, she will whisper. I love to see how her imagination is expanding. She also recently invented a game that she likes to play called "Save me." It involves her or another person leaning back over the couch while yelling "I'm falling! Help me! Save me!" She or the other person (depending on which role she feels like playing) will yell "I'm coming! I'll save you!" Then you grab the victim and pull them to safety. Then, you have the thank the rescuer with kisses. When she does it, it is SOOOO funny, because she is totally serious about this game. We were playing at my parents house, and I was the victim on the oversized chair. She has this little Zoey sized fold up chair that she placed at the foot of the ottoman. When I yelled, "Help me, Zoey; Save me!", she would shout, "I coming, Mama! I coming!" Then she would so seriously shift the chair just a little to get it in the perfect rescue position and then dive onto the ottoman, grap my shirt, make a straining face and say "I got you! (or "I gotchew!" in zoese). I don't even know where she came up with this,. Maybe something she saw on TV. It makes me laugh. One day, we were on our way home from my parents, and she was tired and fussy, but all the sudden she stopped crying and said, "Giant Mountain!" (from Dora the Explorer) and I said, "Where?" and she pointed at something obscure. She then proceeded to pretend the entire way home that she was in a nepisode of Dora. We went over the Giant Mountain, through the Nut Forest and over the Troll Bridge. It was hysterical.       
           Sometimes she hugs me, and her little hands pat my back at the same time. She was sitting next to Jo (her babysitter) today at the table eating lunch, and she just reached over and starting giving her a little pat. It was so sweet. She seems like she will be a kind hearted little girl. She notices the emotion of everyone, especially other babies. If they are crying, she will look at us with a faux sad face and say "Baby crying?" And it really seems to plague her until the baby stops or she has moved on to something else.
                She doesn't drink out of her sippy cups as much, because she has gotten pretty good with the regular cup. She LOVES to dump stuff out, which is usually really annoying, but she doesn't do it as much. I think she is slowly starting to understand that she can dump water outside and in the bathtub. And speaking of the bathtub, she loves taking baths with me. And I have to admit, I love it too, although lately she has become obsessed with my ahem, cough, breasts. She likes to talk about them and grab at them. It kinda weirds me out, but I know this is pretty normal. I might have to put a stop to it soon, because she told her Sunday School teacher two weeks ago "I like boobies!" But that was just the beginning of all the liking of stuff. She walked around the house last week carrying M&Ms, Sour Patch Kids and popcorn saying, "I wike MMs, Jelbeans, and pacorn." The other day she told me she liked me. I was soaring. I am tired and I can't think of anything else at the moment, but there are so many things that she does that I find so endearing, like clasping her hands and letting out a little gasp and squeal when she gets something she likes. I showed her some paints that I got her yesterday and she let out a gasp, clasped her hands and said, "Oh tank djew, tank djew!"
I am just falling more in love with her everyday.

tidbits from the day

I decided that since this is my blog, I don't have to always write stuff that makes sense. I just want to jot down some things that I have observed and enjoyed today. And I just love making lists.
1. John booked my ticket to California today! I can't wait! That is where I'll be for Memorial day. Oh bliss bliss bliss. We'll be in Clairmont which is near L.A. I have been needing this vacation for oh so long. I will especially need it after John is gone the entire week before. I am meeting him there. Kelly, want to move in?
2. Today I met two friends for lunch. The place was pretty empty, so I didn't feel that bad letting Zoey roam for awhile while I chatted. She made friends with two ladies. She climbed up in an empty chair and had a heart to heart with them. As Mariela said, Zoey is a friend to all. When we were leaving, the ladies said, "Bye Zoey!" and she replied, "Bye friends!"
3. I have let her watch entirely too much T.V. today. I feel guilty about that.
4. I am stoked that the doctor is weaning me off one of the 5 medications that I take. I am also nervous about this because I have been taking this one for two years.
5. While in Waco, Zoey got her first haircut. She has a little bob, and at first, I thought she looked like the old timey cartoon little boys that wear the little sailor hats and have hair that falls around their ears, but she is really starting to work the cut. We just weren't getting anywhere letting the hair grow out. It was starting to get in her face too much. The lady said that this would help her hair grow better. The baby ends were in the way, I guess. I almost cried.
6. One of the most exciting parts of my day was when the filters for my dustbuster came in. I have been missing being able to use it. Sometimes I vacuum the house with it. It makes me happy.
7. I do not have praise team practice tonight and I am pretty happy about it. I just love hanging out with my husband and Wednesday night T.V.
8. Confession: When I take my vitamins, they make me not able to, ahem, go number two, which is one of the joys of my life. It is a great feeling okay? Don't judge. So, lately I have found myself singing my new version of "Someday my Prince will Come" from Cinderella-in place of Prince, I put another p word that is more appropriate for my current situation. I am hopeful all of this will work itself out yet. Hence the song.

Retraction

Alright. I am done being mad. I have talked to the sibs and seen the folly of my thinking. I do love my daughter and even more my husband. And I have a truly spectacular mom. I am an extremely blessed girl. And now I am done and I am going home. The end.

Because this is my blog and I can

I can complain for a minute. I love my daughter dearly, but I have been with her too much lately. TOO MUCH! I just need a breather. I thought I might get one tonight in the form of her riding with my parents to Waco, but it is a no go. My mom doesn't want to wait around for her, even though she isn't even out of school yet and I know my husband would gladly bring her over there. Ugh. Plus, I am in desperate need of some alone time with the hubs. He just got back into town and he has had a bad week. I have had a bad couple of weeks. Stupid medicine. It makes me feel sick all the time. Today at lunch was the first time in awhile that I haven't felt like ralphing. I mean, at least I actually haven't. My gosh. Wouldn't that be so ironic? Anyway, my mom and dad did take Zoey with them when they went to run some errands the other day and I got to hang out at their house with my sister for like an hour and a half. So I guess my mom feels she has fulfilled her grandmotherly duty for the week. I really do not want to go to Waco anymore. Maybe I will just skip the whole thing. I know that John would let me have a whole day to do nothing tomorrow if we weren't going. Great. Now I am in a completely bad mood and their is no reprieve in sight.  And yes, I am aware of how blessed I am to be a mother and have a great family, but this is my blog and I can cry if I want to. Happy freakin' Mother's Day.

Sweating the small stuff

I admit it. I am totally sweating my life right now. All of the sudden I just seem to be surrounded with things that are out of [my] control. I don't like that feeling. If you know me all, you know that I love to have things planned out and routines set. I am pretty much a creature of habit. I do fight this tendency at times, but for the most part, when I don't know what my next step is going to be, I get nervous. I think a lot of this stems from the fact that I have anxiety and depression problems (Wow. Just said that out loud. Feeling embarassed to admit that I am weak, but also it was a little bit freeing.) I have always known that I have some kind of anxiety. I mean, I can barely type the word throw-up with out wanting to run out of the room. In fact, I am a little lot nervous right now. I just thought that I was alone with this stupid fear until I met someone in college who was afraid of the same thing. She knew why she was, but I am still clueless. But again, knowing one person did not make me feel that much better. It wasn't until recently that my sweet husband told me that my phobia was the 5th most common phobia in the world, and I began to read some info on it. I tried a therapist, but she was full of crap, and I just don't think I was ready. I have some other issues that I wanted to have addressed that I will never talk about with anyone but the therapist and a little 6th grade girl who counseled me one day. I was also noticing that I was feeling more guilty than usual. I mean, I felt really guilty one day because I didn't eat any vegetables for lunch. That was when I figured I might need to talk to someone else. I wanted to see someone who could give me medicine if I needed it, so I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I didn't tell anyone, because isn't that where crazy people go? I finally told my best friend, who was so encouraging and made me feel slightly better about it. The first appointment I made got canceled when I was on my way there and I was so disappointed I almost cried. My second appointment I got too nervous and walked out. It was just so overwhelming. I kept practicing what I was going to say to this man when he asked me why I was there, but there were so many people there and they all seemed to have BO, and I just had to escape. The third time, I actually made it into the office. The doctor was so nice, and he alleviated most of my anxiety just by being kind and businesslike. And Jenn was right, he did not treat me like the freak that I feel like. So, now a new journey starts-one that is medicated. And it leaves me wondering and hoping that I am in God's will. Oh, I pray that I am. Because I want this to work. I don't want to feel guilty or feel mortal dread every time I get a call or text at school. And more than anything, I want to cope, because what I am doing now is far from that. What I am doing now is merely surviving.
I haven't actually started the meds yet, and I am a little nervous about it. But, I am nervous aboout almost everything these days. I feel like I am looking down a long road, and I think the best way to start this journey is on my knees talking to God.

Things that make you go Hmmmmmm....

I was driving behind an 18 wheeler truck this afternoon, and written on the back was (on the left) "Passing Side-El passo" and (on the right) "Suicide-el smasho". I cannot determine whether that was meant to be funny or serious. Hmmmm....I was both amused and scared.

Wordless Tuesday

(just for good measure)