Sunday, September 28, 2008

Pressing Business

A good memory:

After another infamous Simpson Family Meatfest, a freshly cleaned Zoey sits in her Bumbo on the counter after ingesting a whole container of bananas. The kitchen is a wreck. Meme sits on the couch with her newly broken ankle propped on a pillow, so Granddad is left with mess which he lovingly created in the first place. Just as Grandad is about to conquer the dishes, Zoey coos from her throne. Grandad stops in his tracks, glances from Zoey to the mess and back to Zoey. After a moment's hesitation, he says with a smile "This can wait." He then picks up his little granddaugher who squeals with delight as if to say "Good choice, Granddad!"

"Human life is purely a matter of deciding what's important to you." ~Anonymous

Thursday, September 25, 2008


Although there were some definite low moments in the past two weeks, Zoey and I had a blast when we evacuated and after we got power!

Bathing in a makeshift bathtub at Auntie Jenn's apartment.

This is my favorite face that she makes while bathing.

Check out the bunny slippers (and the sitting for that matter. She has become a sitting pro!)

Having fun with mom while Jenn is at work.

Our last day of Hurrication. We lived it up by shopping Market Square in the Woodlands. It was a great day, and Zoey looked so adorable. She had a great time with Aunt Christie, Nanny Kelly, and our new friend, Kayla.
"Really mom, is this necessary? It's hot and I'm hungry."
People are trying to get around me as I squat on the floor for this photo shoot. I didn't care; she looked too cute to miss this opportunity!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Today I...

--Took my medicine

--Adored the babe

--Got POWER!!!

-Mopped the floors

--somewhat refilled the fridge

--Celebrated the first day of Autumn

--Smiled A LOT!!!!!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

One more disclaimer

Another contribution of the low evening might be that I ripped my new jeans. I bent down to get something for Z, and I heard a huge rip. I never thought this day would come. I want to wrap myself in sack cloth and wail at the gates of the city.

Okay, I am done feeling sorry for myself. I would go drown my sorrows in ice cream, but the whole jeans incident kind of put a damper on that feeling. For the next five minutes.

A day without lexapro

Needless to say, it was a less than great day. Okay, half of this is my fault. I stayed up really late chatting with Jenn, which was great and completely reminiscent of my younger years, but it made for an early morning when Old Reliable started babbling away in her pack and play. Last night, I forgot to take my meds, but when I realized it this morning, I didn't think it would be a big deal. I even joked with John and said "Hope I don't try to kill myself today." Okay, not entirely in good taste, but, um, have you met us?
I'm not sure if my internal breakdown was due to the lack of sleep or lack of meds, but I found myself so sad tonight. Mommyhood is so heavy and there is no end in sight. When does it become effortless? There is no one who replaces mom. I think that is both a good and bad thing. I don't think that I want to be replaced, and most of the time when the girl buries her head in my shoulder, I just love it, but when can I pass her off to someone who knows her as well as I do? Someone who is counting down the minutes to when she eats again, knows that she poops mostly in the morning, exactly how and when she naps, that she hates having a wet diaper, eats baby food but not everyday, can tell the difference between the scared cry, hurt cry, dramatic cry and simple fuss? Basically someone who considers her their life. And I think the cherry would be, when is someone going to want to take her from me as selfishly as I want to pass her off? I do love her, but I am so tired, and I miss John, and as much as I am surrounded by people who love me and want to help, it can never be the same. I will never be able to pass her off without the reservation that they will feel the burden as well. The only thing that will help is if I could become all the aforementioned things. I'm just mad at myself for feeling this way and just sad, just...sad.
* Kelly will read this and think that she is not doing a great job, and SHE IS. You are. You are my salvation many, many times.
**John is my other half, and the other person who does (mostly) know all those things about Zoey, but he is gone, and I have never been one to deal with alone very well.
***I love my daughter. The end.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Another hurricane post

I know everyone in the Houston area is posting about our pal Ike, and I would like to add my thoughts about this situation. At first, I foolishly thought that a hurricane hitting our town would be kinda fun. I said foolishly. Little did I know how sucky this situation would turn out to be. Zoey, Christie, my mom and I headed to Waco to wait out the storm. I didn't want Zoey in the midst of all that chaos. That, it turns out, was a wise decision. We came back last Monday, and the weather was nice and cool. God was smiling on us. It was gorgeous fall weather. Then, the bottom started to fall out. John left for Las Vegas. That's right folks, my sweet husband left his wife and 5 month old baby girl in the middle of a black out with virtually no food and no means of communication (I am not getting service at my house). The darkness at night in combination with what I think might be some sore gums caused Zoey to go ballistic every night. While I was trying to put her pj's on one night, she was was screaming at me, and I got so frustrated that I just screamed back. I was surprised that no one called the cops and that I didn't damage her hearing. Bad mommy. I told John that night that if he ever left me in this situation again, I would leave him. And, my phone cut out right after that. Bad wife.
So, all I really had to eat was bread, peanut butter, ding dongs, twinkies, and oatmeal cream pies, because apparently that is all John thinks people need to eat during a hurricane. But, you know, then he left for the land of the all you can eat buffet. Meanwhile, if I never eat another ding dong, I will be a happy girl.
So, John took the red eye Thursday night and got home at 6 a.m. Friday morning. I have never been so glad to see him in my life. Maybe because I needed a Zoey break and maybe because I knew that he was leaving again on Saturday and maybe because I superstitiously thought that he would bring the electricity with him. Anyway, it was so good to have him home.
I am suprised at how this hurrican has brought people together. Our sweet neighbors across the street, whom we lovingly call Santa Clause and Mrs. Clause, actual names unknown to me, stored our meat in their freezer. Mrs. Clause came over Friday morning and told us that they had cooked our ribs and eaten a few, but kept most for us when we wanted them and could she do any laundry for us? It was just so thoughtful. I adore a good neighbor.
So, this brings us to Saturday (today). We are now 8 days without power. Our house smells like shit (sorry, but that is how badly it smells and how strongly I feel about not being able to do aything about it). And John is gone again; this time to Paris. The heat in the house became unbearable and we have escaped to Jenn's apartment for some much needed AC, TV, and TLC. Monday is the predicted day for the power to come back on, but it could be as late as Thursday. All I know is I want to smack the person who thought that this could be fun...oh wait, that was me.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

bathing beauty

Zoey really loves bath time. We like to think that she believes that she is spending time at the spa. Taking a leisurely bath.

Trying to get us to join her in the spa.

Just relaxing.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Le Sigh

I have not had much to say lately. When one's life is going well, there isn't much to discuss; one is too busy living I suppose. However, I did get some rather unpleasant news yesterday. I am going to be a single parent for two, count them two weeks. John has to go to Las Vegas for a week and then Paris the following week. Yeah, tough life. I, on the other hand, will be juggling a baby and a job. The more I think about it, the more freaked out and stressed I become. I have always counted down the minutes until John gets home from work so that I can pass the bug on to him for a moment. It's not that I am so eager to just hand her to someone else (although at one time that was what I lived for), it's just that I need a minute to regroup. For two whole weeks, that sweet moment of clarity is gone. I am not going to lie-I am scared out of my mind. I am afraid that I will travel back in time to the days of wretched newbornhood. The very thought brings tears to my eyes. I will miss my husband desperately, but I will miss myself just as much. Le sigh.