Saturday, July 5, 2008

In the bedroom

Last night, John and I decided that we would reclaim our bedroom by trying to put Zoey to bed upstairs in the nursery. I was pretty excited and nervous at the idea of sleeping next to an empty cradle. I think I have developed "mommy hearing", because the slightest peep from the cradle wakes me up, and let me assure you, Zoey takes after her dad and is a loud sleeper. She grunts, rustles, sighs, and goes to town on her pacifier. Sometimes, I can't tell if she is awake or asleep. It is pretty annoying. However, when we put her in her crib, my baby girl, who has grown leaps and bounds, instantly regressed to newborn size. The bed just swallowed her. It tugged at my heart. I kept thinking that she might get lost in her own bed. She might wake up in the middle of the night and not know where she is. As I stood over her bed watching her fuss and fret, I realized I don't mind her being in our room. I do miss the camaraderie John and I share through pillow talk and being able to claim our marital privileges in our marriage bed, but I love the idea of having all the people I love (cats included) in one room. There is such a security in knowing that if Zoey needs us, John and I are right next to her. There are times when I wake up in the middle of the night frantic that something has happened to her, and all I have to do is look over at her and watch her breathing before turning over contentedly in my own bed and falling back asleep. I know that Zoey is growing up quite literally before my eyes, and before I know it, it will undeniably be time to move her on up, so even though sometimes I want to yell "Shut the hell up!" at 3 in the morning (yes, I know she is a baby, but I swear there are times when she takes pleasure in getting on my nerves), I think I will hold on to those soft baby sighs for just a little bit longer.

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