So here is how the night goes...well, I guess it really started this morning when I left John alone in the youth room to get a dough nut. When I returned I overheard snippets mentioning Memorial Day, no school, and movie night, and I immediately knew what was barreling towards me. I was powerless to stop it. Before I could throw my weary and war torn body between them, John had already declared a movie night at our house. Hello? 6 week old baby? Depressed, sleep deprived wife? Do I count for nothing? My invisibility was established. All I could do was to make it sound like it was a good idea. Please do not mistake me, I adore our youth. They are so laid back and so fun to be around. But I am weary and worn, and I think it is beginning to show.
But instead of taking a nap after church, I opted to pretend to be my old self for a couple of hours and go to the movies with my sister. It seems, though, everything I do now is tainted with the fact that at the core, I am still someone's mother, and no matter how long I am gone, I still have to go home again. It really lets the air out of the balloon.
When I got home, the boss was sleeping in her swing and the kids were already at the house. No rest for the weary, I suppose. I really did enjoy the kids, but again, I spent most of the time trying not to fall asleep and worrying about how tired I was going to be at 2 a.m. and if I was going to be angry or resigned at John during that time. John, on the other hand, was blissfully unaware of my internal monster while playing Guitar Hero and watching Family Guy. I felt my invisibility resolutely confirmed. I think John may have gotten a peek underneath the cloak when I sighed and ducked around him with a naked baby in my arms heading for a bath. He then took the kids home while I put the boss to bed, which was surprisingly and pleasantly easy. And then I got another sweet surprise when John came home and told me he would take care of her tonight. So, I am going to sleep upstairs, because I am painfully aware of every noise she makes at night-and she makes a lot. So, maybe I am not as invisible as I thought. I am keeping my fingers crossed.