Wednesday, February 4, 2009

solitude

Being a mom has changed me in so many ways, but one of that things that I noticed today on my walk is that I really like being alone these days. I never realized how important solitude was until I never had any. At bible study this week, Rachel asked us what our idea of peace was. I didn't even have to think about it; my idea of peace is sitting on the couch by myself in total silence. I love spending time with my friends and family, but it is so rare that my thoughts are completely my own. When Zoey is anywhere nearby, at least half of brain is focused on her. I think that is why moms are so tired at the end of the day; your brain is working overtime all day. And the more kids you have, the more work your brain has to do. Moms work damn hard for Mother's day in my opinion.
So much does the idea of being alone appeal to me that I have daydreamed about dining by myself. I think that I would enjoy being the mysterious loner flipping through a book and sipping coffee. A bit of myterium (I just made that word up) is stripped from every woman when she slips that ring on her finger, but mystique pretty much evaporates when a girl changes her name to "mommy." I used to feel really sorry for people sitting solo at a table, but now I realize that it may be the only bit of solitude that they get. I love to meander around a store in quiet not having to worry about whether Zoey is happy or needing to eat or sitting in poop. I can allow my thoughts to wander where they will. Sometimes I don't think at all. My brain is at rest.
Well, this is just a bunch of blab, but like I said, it was just something I learned while I was walking this morning-alone.

2 comments:

heather bells said...

Does this mean you don't need me anymore?

Really though, I'm impressed you walked alone. I don't think I have that kinda will power yet.

Misty said...

It is all so true. I was thinking along the same lines this week. After a weekend alone I was realizing I didn't miss them like I thought I would and that it was because it was so fabulous to have some solitude.