Tuesday, January 27, 2009

blarf

i decided in the sake of trying to hastily relieve my annoyance with myself that i would not capitalize anything. i am thinking about leaving out punctuation too, but that is probably going too far. i had such a good time with the Lord yesterday, and i even talked about it this morning at bs. however, one evening put me two steps back. i was wasting time looking up people from high school on facebook, because apparently i am twelve, and so many people seem to be leading exciting lives. i am forever comparing myself to other people. why do i do that? it is always going to make me feel bad about myself. all the sudden my life is small and pitiful. my dreams are not redirected but dead. is all this true? no! God has simply led me down a different road. tonight that is a painful thought. tonight that is too heavy. but, i am right where God wants me to be. and sometimes, when i allow myself to take my eyes off of my heavenly goals, the tiny enormity of my life comes crashing down. reality? i have a heavenly father who knows my name; he knows my passions; he is using them to minister to other people whether i know it or not. it is so good to know that it would be presumptuous of me to assume that God is not using me for his glory. he does not need my permission. okay, I feel better now. I knew that I needed to put things in perspective. I would hate living in New York anyway. The only thing that would make this better is a little attention from my husband (wink, wink).

4 comments:

Jenn=) said...

I love you Ash ! thank you for your honestly... I have totally been there but just think some people who took a different route and are sitting in some small apartment in NY alone getting close to 30 and are looking on facebook at this beautiful girl with an amazing family and wishing they had what you have. I cant wait to live closer to you friend we can make music videos and put them on youtube just because we are awesome.

heather said...

I can't believe you never told me you had a blog!!!! Is there something on here you don't want me to see? :) Have you been talking about me?!!? :)

LOVED this post! This is exactly what we've been talking about in our bible study...contentment. It is so easy sometimes to compare what we have w/what others have or are doing or are apart of, etc. But you are so right... you are where God has you right now and NO PLACE would be better. And even if you had every single thing you could possibly want, go wherever you wanted, whenever you wanted, it still wouldn't make you happy. None of it does or will every do that b/c your joy comes from God alone. Only He can fill you with satisfaction.

Love you, girl!

Misty said...

I've been there friend, more times than I care to admit. XOXOXO and lots of HL.

natalie said...

Just remember that people only put the exciting parts of their life up on Facebook. The grass is always greener...

Not sure if you knew I "blog stalked" you...but now you do :)