I hate Dora the Explorer. There, I said it. I know that she is a much loved symbol to children everywhere, but she is SOOO bossy and loud. The girl never says please. She shouts all the time. She is offensive to all my senses. I can't stand her voice. It is grating and caustic. I can't stand the way she looks. Her eyes are so big and freaky, and if they move any further apart, they are going to fall off her face. Nothing she wears matches. And sometimes, you catch glimpses of her midriff. What a skank. Today, she told children across the world that one of her destinations was a river infested with alligators, essentially giving kids the "go ahead" to play with alligators. Thanks Dora. You have signed the death warrants of hundreds of innocent, naive children. You have pretty much wiped Louisiana off the map.
As much as I hate Dora, Zoey loves her. That is her favorite show. Today, she was sitting in her highchair eating dinner when Dora came on. She practically clawed her way out of the chair when she heard the song start playing. And when the part came that said, "Swipper no swiping!", she, who had contorted her body into unnatural proportions trying to catch a glimpse of her beloved heroine, promptly replied "Aw, man!" In that moment, I died a little. I'm not sure my sweet little girl will ever be the same. If she starts demanding that I "Say backpack! Say backpack!", I may break the TV.