blarf

i decided in the sake of trying to hastily relieve my annoyance with myself that i would not capitalize anything. i am thinking about leaving out punctuation too, but that is probably going too far. i had such a good time with the Lord yesterday, and i even talked about it this morning at bs. however, one evening put me two steps back. i was wasting time looking up people from high school on facebook, because apparently i am twelve, and so many people seem to be leading exciting lives. i am forever comparing myself to other people. why do i do that? it is always going to make me feel bad about myself. all the sudden my life is small and pitiful. my dreams are not redirected but dead. is all this true? no! God has simply led me down a different road. tonight that is a painful thought. tonight that is too heavy. but, i am right where God wants me to be. and sometimes, when i allow myself to take my eyes off of my heavenly goals, the tiny enormity of my life comes crashing down. reality? i have a heavenly father who knows my name; he knows my passions; he is using them to minister to other people whether i know it or not. it is so good to know that it would be presumptuous of me to assume that God is not using me for his glory. he does not need my permission. okay, I feel better now. I knew that I needed to put things in perspective. I would hate living in New York anyway. The only thing that would make this better is a little attention from my husband (wink, wink).