Okay, so it's been awhile

I just haven't had the time or the brain power to come up with something to write, but I have this weird nagging relationship with this blog where I feel like I owe it something. Like it is a person or something. Or more like a mother heaping guilt on me for not calling, or in this case writing. So, I guess I will take some time to make up with my blog. Sorry blog.
Things around here have been pretty calm. Charlie is a wonderfully snuggly and happy baby. After the storm that was Zoey, it is a nice change. God is having a good laugh at my expense right now, because of course he knew that we needed another baby and of course he knew that it needed to be a boy. Two things I have pretty ticked about. But here we are almost 6 months later in baby boy bliss.
Zoey loves her little brother with a passion that puts her father over the edge most days. She wants to hug and kiss on him constantly. I have to really watch myself to not say over and over "Get off your brother." or "Get out of his face!" I know she is doing it because she watches me hug and kiss on him all day, and let's just be real here, so is me made over. I did the same thing to my little brother.
The transition to stay at home mommy has been fantastic. I LOVE staying home. I mean, there are definitely days when that girl makes me want to cut my own ear off Van Gogh style just so I don't have to listen to her say "Mama, mama, watch this!" one more time. But, being at home is just so peaceful and I'll admit, fun. I get to hang out with some of my favorite people on a pretty regular basis. Now that I am at home, I really just want everyone to be at home (ahem, sister).
Being at home has brought many of my shortcomings to my attention-like my incredible selfishness with my time. So often Zoey want me to play with her and I make an excuses like she needs to learn how to play by herself. I just get so tired of thinking of three year old activities or pretending to cry (because that is what she really wants me to do). I just want to decide what I am going to do and when I am going to do it. Is that too much to ask? For a three year old, yes, yes it is.
I have a few more thoughts rolling around in my head, but they are somewhat unrelated to the topic at hand, so they are for a different time. However, I think I will be calling on this blog a little more often these days. Hopefully.

Check this out!

Ally of Little Bears Designs is having a GIVEAWAY! Go check out her new website: http://www.littlebearsdesigns.com!" See details of the giveaway out on her blog: www.davidandally.blogspot.com.

She is very talented and designs beautiful cards for all occassions. Check her out!

So bored

I am so bored. We have been watching TV all day long. I cannot stand doing that, especially having Zoey do that. I feel like a bad mom. I really want to make the most of the next couple of days before Charlie is born, but I guess we will just sit here and continue to watch TV...just like we do every day. I did get to go get a pedicure, so at least I will have nice toes for the arrival, should it ever really come. I ama starting to think that Charlie is going to hibernate forever, and that is not okay with me. I have been really blessed and had a pretty easy pregnancy, but now he has made his home in my pelvic bones, and that is pretty uncomfortable. I am sick of being pregnant. End of story. And I want one last adventure before I never have any more adventures, especially because John gets to go to Paris in about a month, actually less than a month. It is for work, but he gets to go two days before he actually has to be there and in the evenings, he will be a free man. And he will take advantage of that. He will come home with lots of pictures of the city and tales of eating wonderful food and roaming the city streets pretending to be a native. And I will be here with only a three year old and a two week old to keep me company. Am I pouting about this? Absolutely. Oh well. There isn't anything I can do about it. I guess my only option is to watch more TV. Yippee.

Please vote

This is a ministry that I read about daily. I love what they are doing, and I am praying that God provides resources for them sooner rather than later. Please read this post and vote for this ministry to recieve this grant. It will do wonders for the women of Haiti!

Happy birthday, Zoey!

My baby is three today. I really can't believe it. She is getting so big-filling out, losing the belly, long legs, the works. She is also getting quite a little attitude, and I can't imagine where she gets that from. That girl is one drama mama. But there are so many things to love about her too. So in honor of her birthday, here is a list of a few of the many reasons I love the bug:

1. She always notices things you are wearing and wants to know where you bought them.
2. She also wants to know where you bought things that didn't come from the store (i.e. She lifted up my shirt one day and said,"Mommy, I like your baby. Where'd you buy it?")
3. Sometimes she like to pretend that she is the mommy and I am the "honey." She adopts this high little voice and says things like "Don't worry, honey. I won't let you be scared."
4. She loves to sing about ordinary everyday things like her house and her day.
5. She is so fascinated by her baby cousins.
6. She loves to be a helper.
7. She is becoming so independent-both a good thing and a bad thing. It's pretty frustrating when we are trying to get out the door.
8. She is very concerned about your happiness, especially when it is contingent on something she has done.
9. She makes it very hard to stay mad at her when she wants you to be happy.
10. She is just so darn cute-she has the most kissable face
11. She smells fantastic.
12. She has a deep love for the men in her life and she is very loyal to them.
There are many more things I could list, but I am totally birthdayed out for the day. I will leave you with a few pictures of my precious girl.

                                                       Newborn Zoey-Her first week home

                                                                 One year old Zoey

Two year old Zoey

My big three year old girl

In desperate need

We just had a very depressing staff meeting about the upcoming budget and plans for next year. Basically, as usual, we don't have enough money. So the plan is to start teaching 6 out of 7 classes. That really got me worried, because I am only part time, and if other teachers pick up an extra class, all my classes will be picked up by someone else. In short, I will have no job. I talked to my assitant principal about it first, and she very kindly said that she did not want to lie to me and I should be worried. She told me that I really needed to start looking at my options. I'm not really sure what that means other than looking at other campuses, which is devastating to think about because I have never worked anywhere but AMS and I love it here. So, I came back to my room and called John and cried. Then my principal came in and pretty much said that he didn't really know what was going to happen, but he would keep me informed. I think that is about all anyone can promise right now. But no one is going to know anything for awhile. So for now I live in limbo. John did say that we would make it work if I wanted to stay home, which doesn't sound too bad, but as hard as my job has been this year, I really like working. I adore my mornings at home with Zoey, but it is a nice break in my day to go to work. I will go where God wants me to go and I will do what he wants me to do, and I just keep having to tell myself that He will guide no matter if I like the outcome or not. But prayer for peace and patience would be nice.

Shameful return

I'm a little out of touch with everything right now. And, as much as I would like that to come to an end, I just don't see it happening. Sheesh. I wish I could just get it together. Maybe I need some 5 Hour Energy or something. A nice, dreamless sleep would help I think. So would some hormones that aren't so (literally) out of whack. And it would be nice if I could get ahold of the doctor I need to see to get said hormones back in whack. But alas, I can't. I could really go on a rant about that, but I will refrain. Even though I really want to. It's been awhile since I have made a list of things I am thankful for, and I have so many right now, especially with the holidays behind me  having lived through the holidays having just experienced the holidays. Our holiday was a bit busy, but it was great. I was really wonderful having John home with me and Zoey the first week and most of the second week. And it was great being able to be with Zoey. It made me want to stay home, but I just know that I am not cut out for it. I know that some mom are really great and have all kinds on activities and such for their kids, but Zoey and I just hang out and shop. We spend a lot of time in our pj's. So here is a little post holiday list:
82. A little girl who is bursting with personality (sometimes too much; boy can that girl be sassy).
83. A little girl who loves her family passionately. She was in HEAVEN during Christmas when all the Simpsons were together. She was the center of everyone's attention. And she decided that her Uncle Justin was her best friend, and very vehemently stuck to that-to the chagrin of her Aunt Christie.
84. Actually getting Zoey gifts that she loves. Sometimes it is a hit or miss with the things that girl is going to cling to, but the Legos and kitchen were a huge success.
85. A trip to the Bryant farm on the way home. Some friends of ours have family that lives in Kosse, which is on our way home from Waco, and one year in desperation to feed Zoey, we asked if we could stop by, and it has become a tradition. They welcome us like family and don't even mind if we interrupt their real family time (this year we arrived when some extended family was opening presents-super embarrassing). We get to ride in the back of the truck and feed the cows. Zoey loved that. She was much more brave than I gave her credit for. She usually is. I need to stop being so surprised. She is totally her Daddy's girl.
86. A great weekend away with my two favorite girls. I love our tradition of having a mother/ daughter shopping trip. It combines all the things I love-food, shopping and my mom and sister.
87. That little boy that keeps growing away in my sister's tummy. Zoey and I have been really talking about it lately, and somehow she knows a scary amount of details about childbirth. Maybe they really can remember...
88. A third birthday party that is already in the works even though it is months away. I don't care. I am excited.
89. Being able to sing with the praise team again last Sunday. I have had three weeks away due to Christmas and stupid family worship (John is the sound guys, so if I was on stage singing, Zoey would be running wild with no one to stop her). Practice last week was great. I have missed my team.
90. Hot dogs. I am thankful for hot dogs. I really love them. I ate 2 last night for dinner, and I had 2 more for lunch today. I could probably eat them for dinner again. They are so good.

the things we know

I love inside jokes. Not that I like to exclude people; I just like that you can know something about someone that you know will make them laugh over and over. I just got a FB status comment that made me laugh. It was from a friend who although she lives far away and I don't see or talk to her much, knows me better than most people. And she remembers things about me. I think it is the little things that we remember about each other that really cement a friendship. Some of my favorite things in life are the things that remind me of other people. Like when I see an owl, I think of Kelly, and when I see crickets or sing "Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus", I can't help but think of Misty, or when I see a really cute pedicure, I think of my friend Toni and her cute feet. When I walk around the house singing about life with Zoey, I think of Jennifer. The list could go on about the people I love. Although I have a terrible memory, God has blessed me with the gift of association. And he is constantly helping me to remember that I am surrounded by such lovely people that I get to call friend. Happy sigh.

picture post

 Zoey's Sunday school class made little lamb ears, and I have to say she looks hella cute.

 First halloween celebration at school-it was a little cold that day, hence the tights.

 Halloween tradition-The Knippers and the Harlans. Our cute girls getting ready to head out.

I convinced our neighbors to dress up their little boy as Bam-Bam. Aren't they the cutest?

 We went to Pioneer Days at Jesse Jones Park. I haven't been there since I was a kid. It was so fun! Zoey even got her face painted. I was super impressed with how still she sat. Such a big girl.

 We had a great Thanksgiving. Zoey got to play with all her cousins. The food was great. The break in general was so great-I needed it. John took some time off and we spent the whole break together. It was heaven.

 We decorate my parents Christmas tree every year, and this year, my mom decided that we would all wear white for a family picture. This is one of my favorite things that we do, and it really starts the Christmas season for me. Zoey gets it this year, which is so fun. She helped put ornaments on and everything. She is really into all the decorations.

Zoey and I decorated a "gingerman" house. It was fun, but boy, was it messy. Zoey seemed a little more interested in eating the candy than getting it on the house. The end result was not pretty, but we have it proudly displayed in our kitchen. Zoey is still sneaking candy.

Making an attempt

It is the last day before Thanksgiving break, and I am with my dreaded beloved 5th period class. In addition, I am finding it hard to pull myself out of the hole these days. It takes every piece of my energy to put on the somewhat happy face and do what I am supposed to do. By the end of the day, my body physically hurts from the exertion. All I really want to do is be in my bed. I could live there. I just want to sleep my life away right now. I am clinging with all my might to scripture, but I feel like my grip might be slipping a little. I feel like if I could just have a better attitude then all this would surely go away.If I could just stop focusing on all my shortcomings and instead hone on my blessings...I don't know.  My focus has been on survival. I think my battle is really with myself. Never have I met a harder opponent. Man, can I put up a fight. I am sure that God is allowing me to have all these emotions for a reason, but I have been telling him that there is not much more to me that he can break down, so job well done and let's move on to the next thing. So, all that to say, I am once again here to list the things that I am grateful for. The blessings that I have been given that give me hope.

71. The pumpkin spice tea that John bought me the other day. It warms my hands and my soul.
72. The energy to do the laundry and make dinner last night. It's been awhile since I haven't felt completely overwhelmed with all things domestic.
73. Massages. I wish I could get one every week instead of just once a month. But hey, once a month is pretty good.
74. comfortable jeans
75. The Library
76. My Zoey girl
77. A husband who seems to know when I need to talk and when I don't. One who tries his best to figure me out when I am such an enigma to myself.
78. Multiple Thanksgiving celebrations
79. A movie date already planned with the brother
80. The ladies in my Bible study who have been on this journey with me and haven't judged me when I am falling completely apart in front of them. It's pretty embarassing to be the blubbering idiot, but instead of making me feel little, they just encouraged me and prayed for me. Those are my real friends.
81. This scripture which has been my mantra for the past weeks.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." Psalm 42:11(my italics) This is the promise that I cling to. I will again praise him, for he is worthy of my praise. And my praise will be effortless and joyful. And that enough for now.

argh

I just do not like my 5th period class. They are so completely obnoxious. So rude. And there are only 6 of them! However, I think they have absolutely no clue about how to talk to adults. They are so inappropriate. And they never take responsibilty for the way they talk or their actions. Nothing is ever their fault. I hope their parents teach them better, but as they are right now, I have little hope for them in the future. I CAN"T STAND THEM. And even more, I hate that I dislike them so much. Why should six kids bother me? I guess it is because I have little to no adult interaction during the day. The little interaction that I get is simply aimed at trying to belittle me or make me second guess myself. I don't need any help with that. I hate my job this year. So much that I am wracking my brain to think of what else I could do, but I don't think I am qualified for anything. The whole thing makes me so sad and tired. I used to love Thursdays, because it was a whole day where I got to work and feel productive, but now it is a dread. And I am completely alone. I have no teamto help me. I have no text book (well, I do, but it is HORRIBLE). I am so tired of trying to teach these kids who do not want to hear what I have to say. They honestly do not think they need this. I wish I could just level with them and remind them that they are in here because they can't read, but while that may be the truth, they would deny it to the end. They probably think that they failed the TAKS test three times because there was something wrong with the test. Stupid kids. There is one in particular who I would love to pull aside and say "The day you actually take responsibilty for yourself is the day you become a man. Until then, you are nothing but a sad, scared little boy." However, he would argue with me that he wasn't small, even though he he tiny.
All I want to do is lay my head down and admit defeat. They win.

Multitude Tuesday

I am really bad at keeping up with this, but oh well. This blog is just for my benefit, right? I used to just soak up the sound of my fingers clicking away on the keyboard, but lately I have just wanted to spend my free minutes being totally free. Some call it meditation; I call it staring into space. Anyway, I'll pick up where I left off:

61. THE RIGHT TO VOTE! I voted this morning and I feel great to have done my civic duty. And, as it turns out, the place where I was supposed to vote was my school. So easy!

62. Halloween. I had so much fun with the Simpson/Burleson/Harlans. I love our Halloween traditions. And it is just going to get better. Zoey and Emma were so cute this year! They loved getting candy and each house was a novelty. I love that they get it this year. Zoey is already looking forward to next year, and so am I! Next year Baby B will be here! One more trick or treater! Yippee!

63. The little bump that is beginning to manifest on my sister usually flat belly. The sorority went maternity shopping the other day, and my sister is going to be the cutest preggo ever.

64. My brother and his girlfriend. I really like my brother's girlfriend. She is just cool. And she comes and hangs out with us even without my brother around. How cool is she? I'm attached.

65. The fact that after Zoey exploded from too many sweets at school, I was okay to clean everything up. I even forced myself to stand upstairs with the sicky for awhile. It was a short while, but it was a step. It was God, and not my meds, that helped me do that. He is so good.

66. This Bible study that I am doing called The Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free. It is so good. I was totally skeptical at first, but as pointed out to me by my sweet husband, I get on the defensive a lot. Once I got over that, my eyes were opened to how many lies I believe. Sometimes it is as though this book were written for me.

67. The group of women that I get to study God's word with. I love love love my Bible Study. The women are real and unjudgemental-true women of God. I learn so much from them. Plus, they are fun to be around. We laugh all the time.

68. A husband who can cook! Boy howdy can that man cook.

69. finger nails that are ready for the holidays! I love red nails.

70. A little mini shopping spree for the bug this morning. On our first really chilly day (Yeah, November and we haven't been chilly yet. Houston weather is so frustrating.), I realized Zoey was totally unprepared for the chill. I had to go get her some long sleeved stuff. It was fun. I love shopping for that girl. Oh heck, I just love shopping.

birthday

The above pictures are all from my birthday. John took the day off and whisked us away to the beach for the day. We eneded the day with cupcakes from Sprinkles. It was wonderful. Zoey was IN LOVE. She now talks about the beach all the time.  The weather was perfect. It wasn't too cold to not enjoy the water. We really didn't plan to get in the water, but as you can see, Zoey had other plans. We just went ahead and stripped her down to her pull up and let her play. No one else was there to care and she had a  great time. I am a believer in going to the beach in the fall now. Everything is so much better in the fall.

Multitude Monday

I haven't posted in so long, which I hate, but I really haven't had anything to say, and I feel like all I ever do is make lists. But this is my blog, and I love making lists. I would love to have something deep and profound to say, but I am not a deep and profound person, so I won't pretend.

51. Good friends. I have such an abundance of good friends. I wish that I could accurately express what they mean to me, but I fail at that alot.

52. The fall, the fall, the glorious fall! I put my fall decorations out today, even though the first day of fall is not until Thursday. I helped a friend decorate her house yesterday and it just ispired me. I wish I had pictures of Martha's glorious witch laden house. It is truly a dessert to the eyes. I am in love.

53. Counting down the days until one of my essential to life friends comes to see me. I CANNNNNOOOOTTTT wait.

54. Several friends whom I cherish that understand that while I am not so good at communicating, they are on my heart and mind constantly.

55. Zoey "reading" to herself. It is so absurdly cute to listen to that girl read to herself. She takes part of the story that she has memorized and mixes it with part of what she interprets from the pictures. It is my favorite thing about her at the moment. Here is a sampling: "Hola, I'm Dora. This is Boots. Babies drink bottles and wear diapers." I don't do it justice.

56. Having a job that I love. Although I struggle through each day with what I am going to teach because I have no team and my cirriculum is TERRIBLE, I love my students. I wish I could just hang out with them and laugh with them when I really wanted to.

57. The baby growing in my sister's belly. I love that little baby so much already. This is how I should have felt when I was preg with the bug, but I am glad I get to experience this with my neice or nephew.

58. Great neighbors. I love our neighbors across the street. They have a 2 and a half year old too. It is soooo fantastic. Really like a dream. Zoey loves Ethan so much. And I love Ethan's mom. I never thought I would have neighbors that are also friends. It is such a cherry.

59. My birthday month

60. a comfy bed that I share with the love of my life. I think this might be my very favorite thing about my life-the privilege of sharing my bed each night. I love holding hands in the dark and chatting and laughing in bed. What a sweet reward. It makes all right in the world.

Multitude Monday/Tuesday

Well, I am catching up on a Tuesday morning, but with school starting, I gave myself a break. Zoey was such an absolute joy yesterday. What a sweet girl she is most days. She is turning into such a little mommy. She loves to command anyone near her to "lie down, drink your bottle, cry." It's just so funny. At the same time, she will take care of you. She will cover you with a blanket, or even one of the beloved BBs. Sometimes you might even get a little pat. So sweet.
She seems to be doing okay at daycare (which we call school-I don't know, it just makes me feel better). I don't know if she loves it as much as I imagined she would, but she hasn't complained, so I guess she likes it okay. She isn't sleeping great there, but that just means she sleeps later in the morning. I wish it were both.
She did throw-up at school the first week. Maybe she ate too much and was running around too much after, I don't know. Nightmare is what it really was. They couldn't get me on the phone, so they called John and he went and got her. We need to tell them that needs to just happened every time. What a great husband. That leads me to my list. I am not so sure where I left off, so here is a guess.

41. a sweet little girl

42. a great friend staying with me while John is in California

43. going back to work

44. Target

45. A school atmosphere that is so happy and positive instead of chaotic

46. a good rainstorm yesterday

47. a God who does not prey on my fears

48. a husband that I miss terribly

49. being able to travel because of John's job-going to meet him in San Francisco on Friday!

50. Above mentioned friend watching my little tiny while I am away and knowing she is in good care.

2010-03-05

Click here to view these pictures larger

2010-03-05

Click here to view these pictures larger

5 Ws and an H

Yesterday I was in one of our many meetings, listening to how we can close the achievement gap between the different groups of kids in our schools. It was a really good conversation. I was relatively interested. I mean, it was my nap time, and I was kinda thinking about how I wanted to get a pedicure, but all that changed when one of the assistant principals brought up something that actually shook me to the core. On the board he wrote "WHO?, WHAT?, WHERE?, WHEN?, WHY?, HOW?" Being an English teacher, I have taught that over and over, but he was about to teach it to me in a completely different way.
He looked at us and said, "How many of your kids know who they are? They might say I am__________, I  am  a boy/girl, and I am X years old." They might even go as far as tyo say they are an athlete or a Christian or a musician, but that is not enough. Could you say who you really are. I mean think about that question for a minute. I did. It really bothered me that I didn't really seem to like what my answer was. This is who (I think, correct me if I am wrong) I am: I am Ashley. I am 28 years old, and I am and I am a woman. I am a wife to John and an mother to Zoey. I am a follower of Christ although not as strongly as I should be by any means at times, this being one of those times I think. I am obsessively afraid of throw-up. I am very selfish. I love holidays. I love teaching, but I am only mediocre at it. Not much of an original thinker. I love to read. I'm proud of my family and my friends, although I don't always show it. I am not just a wife, I am a friend to my husband, and I love my husband passionately. I rely on him too much sometimes I think. I am a person who longs to be better stuck inside a person who is too afraid and too lazy to do anything about it. Oh yeah, and I am also really honest about myself.

So I sat in this meeting on the brink of tears realizing that I was not sure I wanted to face the reality of who I was, because if I did, I may not like it. But I guess we all have to do some unpleasant things sometimes. I guess now that I have it in writing, I can work on it. I looko at the list and I am little overwhelmed. Maybe I'll start running or something. Physical fitness seems to cover a multitude of sins.   

This has really got me thinking. I am doing WHAT next.

Multitude Monday

The summer is fast coming to an end, and I realized that my last post was pretty sad, and although I cried all the tears I could in a short time period, the effects have lingered it seems. It has been a stretch to be in a thankful mindset, although that is extremely selfish to admit. But, I find myself on enjoying a week with John at home, and I have so many things to be thankful for.

31. a husband on vacation

32. a car that has been paid off! Woohoo!

33. lemonade pie

34. being a part of a team (Go Team Knippers!) that makes decisions for our family together. We went preschool shopping today, and I can legitimately say that John is in on the decision making process just as much as I am.

35. comfortable pajamas

36. A sweet friend who added another addition to her family last week. Welcome to the world, baby Ben!

37. One word: Schlitterbahn
We took the youth to Schlitterbahn last Thursday, and it was a total blast. We did have to wait in monumentally long lines, but I had a great time hanging out with the kids and soaking up some rays...

38. two words: no sunburn
...but not too many rays!!!!!!

39.cupcakes (wink)

40. an affectionate little girl

Sad news to share

That is the title of the e-mail that we always get in the district when someone has had a loved one pass away. This time the email could be from me. My sweet Meme went home last night. I miss her, but I have missed her for a long time. She had alzhiemer's (I really don't know how to spell that.), and these past few years have been hard watching her deteriorate. I say that as a granddaughter, but I know it was even harder for my Papa. It was a testament to love to watch my Papa care for her though. It was a full time job for him-one not entirely without its rewards. Not even her illness could rob her of her sweet spirit. Although she forgot us, she never forgot that we were people that she loved. Even at the end. And she never forgot my Papa. She would light up when he entered a room. When he wasn't around, she constantly wanted to know where he was, and she would pretty much sit in his lap when they were sitting on the couch together. My grandmother adored my grandfather, and he felt just as passionately about her. While she was on the hospital, he sat contentedly next to her, sometimes holding her hand, for more than 12 hours a day. So, although I miss her so much already, I can't even imagine what my grandfather feels like. That is the thing that breaks my heart the most-that and how sad my mom is. However sad we are, our sadness can be lessened because we know that my Meme has been made new in Heaven. She is now with her two sons that went before her, and more importantly rejoicing with our God. My grandmother loved us well, and I know that I was blessed to have her for my own. She was so precious. I look forward to seeing her again someday the way that I remember her.