The View from the Couch

Check this out!

2011-11-02T22:43:00.000-05:00

Ally of Little Bears Designs is having a GIVEAWAY! Go check out her new website: http://www.littlebearsdesigns.com!" See details of the giveaway out on her blog: www.davidandally.blogspot.com.

She is very talented and designs beautiful cards for all occassions. Check her out!

So bored

2011-08-27T16:59:00.000-05:00

I am so bored. We have been watching TV all day long. I cannot stand doing that, especially having Zoey do that. I feel like a bad mom. I really want to make the most of the next couple of days before Charlie is born, but I guess we will just sit here and continue to watch TV...just like we do every day. I did get to go get a pedicure, so at least I will have nice toes for the arrival, should it ever really come. I ama starting to think that Charlie is going to hibernate forever, and that is not okay with me. I have been really blessed and had a pretty easy pregnancy, but now he has made his home in my pelvic bones, and that is pretty uncomfortable. I am sick of being pregnant. End of story. And I want one last adventure before I never have any more adventures, especially because John gets to go to Paris in about a month, actually less than a month. It is for work, but he gets to go two days before he actually has to be there and in the evenings, he will be a free man. And he will take advantage of that. He will come home with lots of pictures of the city and tales of eating wonderful food and roaming the city streets pretending to be a native. And I will be here with only a three year old and a two week old to keep me company. Am I pouting about this? Absolutely. Oh well. There isn't anything I can do about it. I guess my only option is to watch more TV. Yippee.

Please vote

2011-07-20T19:00:00.000-05:00

This is a ministry that I read about daily. I love what they are doing, and I am praying that God provides resources for them sooner rather than later. Please read this post and vote for this ministry to recieve this grant. It will do wonders for the women of Haiti!

Happy birthday, Zoey!

2011-04-10T21:42:00.000-05:00

My baby is three today. I really can't believe it. She is getting so big-filling out, losing the belly, long legs, the works. She is also getting quite a little attitude, and I can't imagine where she gets that from. That girl is one drama mama. But there are so many things to love about her too. So in honor of her birthday, here is a list of a few of the many reasons I love the bug:

1. She always notices things you are wearing and wants to know where you bought them.
2. She also wants to know where you bought things that didn't come from the store (i.e. She lifted up my shirt one day and said,"Mommy, I like your baby. Where'd you buy it?")
3. Sometimes she like to pretend that she is the mommy and I am the "honey." She adopts this high little voice and says things like "Don't worry, honey. I won't let you be scared."
4. She loves to sing about ordinary everyday things like her house and her day.
5. She is so fascinated by her baby cousins.
6. She loves to be a helper.
7. She is becoming so independent-both a good thing and a bad thing. It's pretty frustrating when we are trying to get out the door.
8. She is very concerned about your happiness, especially when it is contingent on something she has done.
9. She makes it very hard to stay mad at her when she wants you to be happy.
10. She is just so darn cute-she has the most kissable face
11. She smells fantastic.
12. She has a deep love for the men in her life and she is very loyal to them.
There are many more things I could list, but I am totally birthdayed out for the day. I will leave you with a few pictures of my precious girl.

Newborn Zoey-Her first week home

One year old Zoey

Two year old Zoey

My big three year old girl

In desperate need

2011-01-20T12:00:00.000-06:00

We just had a very depressing staff meeting about the upcoming budget and plans for next year. Basically, as usual, we don't have enough money. So the plan is to start teaching 6 out of 7 classes. That really got me worried, because I am only part time, and if other teachers pick up an extra class, all my classes will be picked up by someone else. In short, I will have no job. I talked to my assitant principal about it first, and she very kindly said that she did not want to lie to me and I should be worried. She told me that I really needed to start looking at my options. I'm not really sure what that means other than looking at other campuses, which is devastating to think about because I have never worked anywhere but AMS and I love it here. So, I came back to my room and called John and cried. Then my principal came in and pretty much said that he didn't really know what was going to happen, but he would keep me informed. I think that is about all anyone can promise right now. But no one is going to know anything for awhile. So for now I live in limbo. John did say that we would make it work if I wanted to stay home, which doesn't sound too bad, but as hard as my job has been this year, I really like working. I adore my mornings at home with Zoey, but it is a nice break in my day to go to work. I will go where God wants me to go and I will do what he wants me to do, and I just keep having to tell myself that He will guide no matter if I like the outcome or not. But prayer for peace and patience would be nice.

Shameful return

2011-01-10T16:48:00.000-06:00

I'm a little out of touch with everything right now. And, as much as I would like that to come to an end, I just don't see it happening. Sheesh. I wish I could just get it together. Maybe I need some 5 Hour Energy or something. A nice, dreamless sleep would help I think. So would some hormones that aren't so (literally) out of whack. And it would be nice if I could get ahold of the doctor I need to see to get said hormones back in whack. But alas, I can't. I could really go on a rant about that, but I will refrain. Even though I really want to. It's been awhile since I have made a list of things I am thankful for, and I have so many right now, especially ~~with the~~ ~~holidays behind me~~ ~~having lived through the holidays~~ having just experienced the holidays. Our holiday was a bit busy, but it was great. I was really wonderful having John home with me and Zoey the first week and most of the second week. And it was great being able to be with Zoey. It made me want to stay home, but I just know that I am not cut out for it. I know that some mom are really great and have all kinds on activities and such for their kids, but Zoey and I just hang out and shop. We spend a lot of time in our pj's. So here is a little post holiday list:
82. A little girl who is bursting with personality (sometimes too much; boy can that girl be sassy).
83. A little girl who loves her family passionately. She was in HEAVEN during Christmas when all the Simpsons were together. She was the center of everyone's attention. And she decided that her Uncle Justin was her best friend, and very vehemently stuck to that-to the chagrin of her Aunt Christie.
84. Actually getting Zoey gifts that she loves. Sometimes it is a hit or miss with the things that girl is going to cling to, but the Legos and kitchen were a huge success.
85. A trip to the Bryant farm on the way home. Some friends of ours have family that lives in Kosse, which is on our way home from Waco, and one year in desperation to feed Zoey, we asked if we could stop by, and it has become a tradition. They welcome us like family and don't even mind if we interrupt their real family time (this year we arrived when some extended family was opening presents-super embarrassing). We get to ride in the back of the truck and feed the cows. Zoey loved that. She was much more brave than I gave her credit for. She usually is. I need to stop being so surprised. She is totally her Daddy's girl.
86. A great weekend away with my two favorite girls. I love our tradition of having a mother/ daughter shopping trip. It combines all the things I love-food, shopping and my mom and sister.
87. That little boy that keeps growing away in my sister's tummy. Zoey and I have been really talking about it lately, and somehow she knows a scary amount of details about childbirth. Maybe they really can remember...
88. A third birthday party that is already in the works even though it is months away. I don't care. I am excited.
89. Being able to sing with the praise team again last Sunday. I have had three weeks away due to Christmas and stupid family worship (John is the sound guys, so if I was on stage singing, Zoey would be running wild with no one to stop her). Practice last week was great. I have missed my team.
90. Hot dogs. I am thankful for hot dogs. I really love them. I ate 2 last night for dinner, and I had 2 more for lunch today. I could probably eat them for dinner again. They are so good.

the things we know

2010-12-07T10:26:00.000-06:00

I love inside jokes. Not that I like to exclude people; I just like that you can know something about someone that you know will make them laugh over and over. I just got a FB status comment that made me laugh. It was from a friend who although she lives far away and I don't see or talk to her much, knows me better than most people. And she remembers things about me. I think it is the little things that we remember about each other that really cement a friendship. Some of my favorite things in life are the things that remind me of other people. Like when I see an owl, I think of Kelly, and when I see crickets or sing "Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus", I can't help but think of Misty, or when I see a really cute pedicure, I think of my friend Toni and her cute feet. When I walk around the house singing about life with Zoey, I think of Jennifer. The list could go on about the people I love. Although I have a terrible memory, God has blessed me with the gift of association. And he is constantly helping me to remember that I am surrounded by such lovely people that I get to call friend. Happy sigh.

picture post

2010-12-01T00:01:00.001-06:00

Zoey's Sunday school class made little lamb ears, and I have to say she looks hella cute.

First halloween celebration at school-it was a little cold that day, hence the tights.

Halloween tradition-The Knippers and the Harlans. Our cute girls getting ready to head out.

I convinced our neighbors to dress up their little boy as Bam-Bam. Aren't they the cutest?

We went to Pioneer Days at Jesse Jones Park. I haven't been there since I was a kid. It was so fun! Zoey even got her face painted. I was super impressed with how still she sat. Such a big girl.

We had a great Thanksgiving. Zoey got to play with all her cousins. The food was great. The break in general was so great-I needed it. John took some time off and we spent the whole break together. It was heaven.

We decorate my parents Christmas tree every year, and this year, my mom decided that we would all wear white for a family picture. This is one of my favorite things that we do, and it really starts the Christmas season for me. Zoey gets it this year, which is so fun. She helped put ornaments on and everything. She is really into all the decorations.

Zoey and I decorated a "gingerman" house. It was fun, but boy, was it messy. Zoey seemed a little more interested in eating the candy than getting it on the house. The end result was not pretty, but we have it proudly displayed in our kitchen. Zoey is still sneaking candy.

Making an attempt

2010-11-23T14:40:00.000-06:00

It is the last day before Thanksgiving break, and I am with my ~~dreaded~~ beloved 5th period class. In addition, I am finding it hard to pull myself out of the hole these days. It takes every piece of my energy to put on the somewhat happy face and do what I am supposed to do. By the end of the day, my body physically hurts from the exertion. All I really want to do is be in my bed. I could live there. I just want to sleep my life away right now. I am clinging with all my might to scripture, but I feel like my grip might be slipping a little. I feel like if I could just have a better attitude then all this would surely go away.If I could just stop focusing on all my shortcomings and instead hone on my blessings...I don't know. My focus has been on survival. I think my battle is really with myself. Never have I met a harder opponent. Man, can I put up a fight. I am sure that God is allowing me to have all these emotions for a reason, but I have been telling him that there is not much more to me that he can break down, so job well done and let's move on to the next thing. So, all that to say, I am once again here to list the things that I am grateful for. The blessings that I have been given that give me hope.

71. The pumpkin spice tea that John bought me the other day. It warms my hands and my soul.
72. The energy to do the laundry and make dinner last night. It's been awhile since I haven't felt completely overwhelmed with all things domestic.
73. Massages. I wish I could get one every week instead of just once a month. But hey, once a month is pretty good.
74. comfortable jeans
75. The Library
76. My Zoey girl
77. A husband who seems to know when I need to talk and when I don't. One who tries his best to figure me out when I am such an enigma to myself.
78. Multiple Thanksgiving celebrations
79. A movie date already planned with the brother
80. The ladies in my Bible study who have been on this journey with me and haven't judged me when I am falling completely apart in front of them. It's pretty embarassing to be the blubbering idiot, but instead of making me feel little, they just encouraged me and prayed for me. Those are my real friends.
81. This scripture which has been my mantra for the past weeks.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." Psalm 42:11(my italics) This is the promise that I cling to. I will again praise him, for he is worthy of my praise. And my praise will be effortless and joyful. And that enough for now.

argh

2010-11-18T12:48:00.000-06:00

I just do not like my 5th period class. They are so completely obnoxious. So rude. And there are only 6 of them! However, I think they have absolutely no clue about how to talk to adults. They are so inappropriate. And they never take responsibilty for the way they talk or their actions. Nothing is ever their fault. I hope their parents teach them better, but as they are right now, I have little hope for them in the future. I CAN"T STAND THEM. And even more, I hate that I dislike them so much. Why should six kids bother me? I guess it is because I have little to no adult interaction during the day. The little interaction that I get is simply aimed at trying to belittle me or make me second guess myself. I don't need any help with that. I hate my job this year. So much that I am wracking my brain to think of what else I could do, but I don't think I am qualified for anything. The whole thing makes me so sad and tired. I used to love Thursdays, because it was a whole day where I got to work and feel productive, but now it is a dread. And I am completely alone. I have no teamto help me. I have no text book (well, I do, but it is HORRIBLE). I am so tired of trying to teach these kids who do not want to hear what I have to say. They honestly do not think they need this. I wish I could just level with them and remind them that they are in here because they can't read, but while that may be the truth, they would deny it to the end. They probably think that they failed the TAKS test three times because there was something wrong with the test. Stupid kids. There is one in particular who I would love to pull aside and say "The day you actually take responsibilty for yourself is the day you become a man. Until then, you are nothing but a sad, scared little boy." However, he would argue with me that he wasn't small, even though he he tiny.
All I want to do is lay my head down and admit defeat. They win.

Multitude Tuesday

2010-11-02T15:34:00.000-05:00

I am really bad at keeping up with this, but oh well. This blog is just for my benefit, right? I used to just soak up the sound of my fingers clicking away on the keyboard, but lately I have just wanted to spend my free minutes being totally free. Some call it meditation; I call it staring into space. Anyway, I'll pick up where I left off:

61. THE RIGHT TO VOTE! I voted this morning and I feel great to have done my civic duty. And, as it turns out, the place where I was supposed to vote was my school. So easy!

62. Halloween. I had so much fun with the Simpson/Burleson/Harlans. I love our Halloween traditions. And it is just going to get better. Zoey and Emma were so cute this year! They loved getting candy and each house was a novelty. I love that they get it this year. Zoey is already looking forward to next year, and so am I! Next year Baby B will be here! One more trick or treater! Yippee!

63. The little bump that is beginning to manifest on my sister usually flat belly. The sorority went maternity shopping the other day, and my sister is going to be the cutest preggo ever.

64. My brother and his girlfriend. I really like my brother's girlfriend. She is just cool. And she comes and hangs out with us even without my brother around. How cool is she? I'm attached.

65. The fact that after Zoey exploded from too many sweets at school, I was okay to clean everything up. I even forced myself to stand upstairs with the sicky for awhile. It was a short while, but it was a step. It was God, and not my meds, that helped me do that. He is so good.

66. This Bible study that I am doing called The Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free. It is so good. I was totally skeptical at first, but as pointed out to me by my sweet husband, I get on the defensive a lot. Once I got over that, my eyes were opened to how many lies I believe. Sometimes it is as though this book were written for me.

67. The group of women that I get to study God's word with. I love love love my Bible Study. The women are real and unjudgemental-true women of God. I learn so much from them. Plus, they are fun to be around. We laugh all the time.

68. A husband who can cook! Boy howdy can that man cook.

69. finger nails that are ready for the holidays! I love red nails.

70. A little mini shopping spree for the bug this morning. On our first really chilly day (Yeah, November and we haven't been chilly yet. Houston weather is so frustrating.), I realized Zoey was totally unprepared for the chill. I had to go get her some long sleeved stuff. It was fun. I love shopping for that girl. Oh heck, I just love shopping.

birthday

2010-10-24T15:11:00.001-05:00

The above pictures are all from my birthday. John took the day off and whisked us away to the beach for the day. We eneded the day with cupcakes from Sprinkles. It was wonderful. Zoey was IN LOVE. She now talks about the beach all the time. The weather was perfect. It wasn't too cold to not enjoy the water. We really didn't plan to get in the water, but as you can see, Zoey had other plans. We just went ahead and stripped her down to her pull up and let her play. No one else was there to care and she had a great time. I am a believer in going to the beach in the fall now. Everything is so much better in the fall.

Multitude Monday

2010-09-20T16:48:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in so long, which I hate, but I really haven't had anything to say, and I feel like all I ever do is make lists. But this is my blog, and I love making lists. I would love to have something deep and profound to say, but I am not a deep and profound person, so I won't pretend.

51. Good friends. I have such an abundance of good friends. I wish that I could accurately express what they mean to me, but I fail at that alot.

52. The fall, the fall, the glorious fall! I put my fall decorations out today, even though the first day of fall is not until Thursday. I helped a friend decorate her house yesterday and it just ispired me. I wish I had pictures of Martha's glorious witch laden house. It is truly a dessert to the eyes. I am in love.

53. Counting down the days until one of my essential to life friends comes to see me. I CANNNNNOOOOTTTT wait.

54. Several friends whom I cherish that understand that while I am not so good at communicating, they are on my heart and mind constantly.

55. Zoey "reading" to herself. It is so absurdly cute to listen to that girl read to herself. She takes part of the story that she has memorized and mixes it with part of what she interprets from the pictures. It is my favorite thing about her at the moment. Here is a sampling: "Hola, I'm Dora. This is Boots. Babies drink bottles and wear diapers." I don't do it justice.

56. Having a job that I love. Although I struggle through each day with what I am going to teach because I have no team and my cirriculum is TERRIBLE, I love my students. I wish I could just hang out with them and laugh with them when I really wanted to.

57. The baby growing in my sister's belly. I love that little baby so much already. This is how I should have felt when I was preg with the bug, but I am glad I get to experience this with my neice or nephew.

58. Great neighbors. I love our neighbors across the street. They have a 2 and a half year old too. It is soooo fantastic. Really like a dream. Zoey loves Ethan so much. And I love Ethan's mom. I never thought I would have neighbors that are also friends. It is such a cherry.

59. My birthday month

60. a comfy bed that I share with the love of my life. I think this might be my very favorite thing about my life-the privilege of sharing my bed each night. I love holding hands in the dark and chatting and laughing in bed. What a sweet reward. It makes all right in the world.

Multitude Monday/Tuesday

2010-08-31T08:00:00.000-05:00

Well, I am catching up on a Tuesday morning, but with school starting, I gave myself a break. Zoey was such an absolute joy yesterday. What a sweet girl she is most days. She is turning into such a little mommy. She loves to command anyone near her to "lie down, drink your bottle, cry." It's just so funny. At the same time, she will take care of you. She will cover you with a blanket, or even one of the beloved BBs. Sometimes you might even get a little pat. So sweet.
She seems to be doing okay at daycare (which we call school-I don't know, it just makes me feel better). I don't know if she loves it as much as I imagined she would, but she hasn't complained, so I guess she likes it okay. She isn't sleeping great there, but that just means she sleeps later in the morning. I wish it were both.
She did throw-up at school the first week. Maybe she ate too much and was running around too much after, I don't know. Nightmare is what it really was. They couldn't get me on the phone, so they called John and he went and got her. We need to tell them that needs to just happened every time. What a great husband. That leads me to my list. I am not so sure where I left off, so here is a guess.

41. a sweet little girl

42. a great friend staying with me while John is in California

43. going back to work

44. Target

45. A school atmosphere that is so happy and positive instead of chaotic

46. a good rainstorm yesterday

47. a God who does not prey on my fears

48. a husband that I miss terribly

49. being able to travel because of John's job-going to meet him in San Francisco on Friday!

50. Above mentioned friend watching my little tiny while I am away and knowing she is in good care.

2010-03-05

2010-08-20T13:48:00.001-05:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

2010-03-05

2010-08-20T13:46:00.001-05:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

5 Ws and an H

2010-08-18T16:26:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was in one of our many meetings, listening to how we can close the achievement gap between the different groups of kids in our schools. It was a really good conversation. I was relatively interested. I mean, it was my nap time, and I was kinda thinking about how I wanted to get a pedicure, but all that changed when one of the assistant principals brought up something that actually shook me to the core. On the board he wrote "WHO?, WHAT?, WHERE?, WHEN?, WHY?, HOW?" Being an English teacher, I have taught that over and over, but he was about to teach it to me in a completely different way.
He looked at us and said, "How many of your kids know who they are? They might say I am__________, I am a boy/girl, and I am X years old." They might even go as far as tyo say they are an athlete or a Christian or a musician, but that is not enough. Could you say who you really are. I mean think about that question for a minute. I did. It really bothered me that I didn't really seem to like what my answer was. This is who (I think, correct me if I am wrong) I am: I am Ashley. I am 28 years old, and I am and I am a woman. I am a wife to John and an mother to Zoey. I am a follower of Christ although not as strongly as I should be by any means at times, this being one of those times I think. I am obsessively afraid of throw-up. I am very selfish. I love holidays. I love teaching, but I am only mediocre at it. Not much of an original thinker. I love to read. I'm proud of my family and my friends, although I don't always show it. I am not just a wife, I am a friend to my husband, and I love my husband passionately. I rely on him too much sometimes I think. I am a person who longs to be better stuck inside a person who is too afraid and too lazy to do anything about it. Oh yeah, and I am also really honest about myself.

So I sat in this meeting on the brink of tears realizing that I was not sure I wanted to face the reality of who I was, because if I did, I may not like it. But I guess we all have to do some unpleasant things sometimes. I guess now that I have it in writing, I can work on it. I looko at the list and I am little overwhelmed. Maybe I'll start running or something. Physical fitness seems to cover a multitude of sins.

This has really got me thinking. I am doing WHAT next.

Multitude Monday

2010-08-02T23:02:00.000-05:00

The summer is fast coming to an end, and I realized that my last post was pretty sad, and although I cried all the tears I could in a short time period, the effects have lingered it seems. It has been a stretch to be in a thankful mindset, although that is extremely selfish to admit. But, I find myself on enjoying a week with John at home, and I have so many things to be thankful for.

31. a husband on vacation

32. a car that has been paid off! Woohoo!

33. lemonade pie

34. being a part of a team (Go Team Knippers!) that makes decisions for our family together. We went preschool shopping today, and I can legitimately say that John is in on the decision making process just as much as I am.

35. comfortable pajamas

36. A sweet friend who added another addition to her family last week. Welcome to the world, baby Ben!

37. One word: Schlitterbahn
We took the youth to Schlitterbahn last Thursday, and it was a total blast. We did have to wait in monumentally long lines, but I had a great time hanging out with the kids and soaking up some rays...

38. two words: no sunburn
...but not too many rays!!!!!!

39.cupcakes (wink)

40. an affectionate little girl

Sad news to share

2010-07-01T16:22:00.000-05:00

That is the title of the e-mail that we always get in the district when someone has had a loved one pass away. This time the email could be from me. My sweet Meme went home last night. I miss her, but I have missed her for a long time. She had alzhiemer's (I really don't know how to spell that.), and these past few years have been hard watching her deteriorate. I say that as a granddaughter, but I know it was even harder for my Papa. It was a testament to love to watch my Papa care for her though. It was a full time job for him-one not entirely without its rewards. Not even her illness could rob her of her sweet spirit. Although she forgot us, she never forgot that we were people that she loved. Even at the end. And she never forgot my Papa. She would light up when he entered a room. When he wasn't around, she constantly wanted to know where he was, and she would pretty much sit in his lap when they were sitting on the couch together. My grandmother adored my grandfather, and he felt just as passionately about her. While she was on the hospital, he sat contentedly next to her, sometimes holding her hand, for more than 12 hours a day. So, although I miss her so much already, I can't even imagine what my grandfather feels like. That is the thing that breaks my heart the most-that and how sad my mom is. However sad we are, our sadness can be lessened because we know that my Meme has been made new in Heaven. She is now with her two sons that went before her, and more importantly rejoicing with our God. My grandmother loved us well, and I know that I was blessed to have her for my own. She was so precious. I look forward to seeing her again someday the way that I remember her.

Multitude Monday

2010-06-28T14:26:00.000-05:00

21. A friend that just found out they are having a little baby girl

22. a sleeping bug

23. Macaroni and cheese

24. Going to the pool with my sweet friend, Kelli

25. finding my flip flops

26. texts from my sister

27. Christian romance novels

28. warm blankets

29. the idea of having my family back home next week

30. the blue sky outside my window.

Multitude Monday

2010-06-21T11:26:00.000-05:00

Okay, Misty, here it is.

It has been quite a weekend, and I think once again, I am in need of remembering things I am grateful for.

11. A fantastic sister. Seriously, she is so great.

12. great music on my Ipod

13. wonderful grandparents

14. Watching my grandfather so lovingly care for the waning love of his life. I know it is a hard and taxing job, but his devotion to her blows me away. I hope I have even a little bit of his devotion and love in me.

15. A little girl who took it upon herself to take her diaper off and poop in the potty while mommy was on the phone. Such a pleasant surprise.

16. An impending trip to San Francisco!

17. fresh watermelon

18. no accidents so far this morning

19. coming home to an amazingly clean house-it is so welcoming to come home to a house that is tidy.

20. An amazig husband who sent me to Waco for the weekend no questions asked even though he had to work Sat. morning. And then cleaned the house for me while he was home with the buggle by himself. Blessed, blessed, blessed.

picture post

2010-06-17T16:29:00.000-05:00

I am so bad about postinf pictures, because I get so lazy, so here are our adventures since April. I'm feeling too lazy to make up captions right now, so feel free to make up your own.

Random bits

2010-06-10T11:29:00.000-05:00

Okay, just a little bored today and not willing to fight battles that I should (i.e. taking away the jellybeans Zoey is currently playing with and making her go sit on the potty). Just feeling lazy. What is a girl to do? Blog of course!

Here are some funny things that have happened recently:

John sat on the plane next to a professional hunter/conservationalist. Doesn't sound that bad does it? Howevver, it was a woman named Samantha who gave him her business card. On one side was her actual picture-pretty professional looking. On the other side is a full lenght cartoony looking picture of her looking like an ad for a hunter/stripper. In other words, huge boobs pretty much hanging out. It is hilarious. I mean really? What does that have to do with hunting? It looks a little like an adult halloween costume ad for a vixern hunter. Cheese o rama. Also, Kelly pointed out, how can you be a hunter and a conservationalist? Hmm. Good point.
One of my worst nightmares came to fruition last week. Zoey walked in on the hubs and I. I think you know what I mean. I am afraid that I have scarred her for life. Yeesh. Talk about akward moments. All the sudden we heard, "Hi! I wake up!" If I hadn't been so mortified, I would have thought the whole thing funny.
Yesterday John was giving Zoey kisses, and she said, "Okay, Daddy. Enough." It was a classic moment.
I am presently finding myself entralled in Barney. I am such a mom. I wish I could spenf the day shopping online and getting my toenails done. I got them done recently, but they are already looking shoddy.
I have a prayer request: I am trying to find a babysitter for Zoey for the fall. I want to do God's will, but I am having a hard time discerning what that is. I have been so blessed with our past babysitters. They have just fallen into our lap. It's not so easy this time. I am aware that I have some time to decide, but I really would like this one little part of my life to be figured out. I have enough things befuddling me right now.
Well, that 's all for now. I have wasted enough of everyone's time. Maybe now I will do a little online shopping. Or maybe I will just love on my girl. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Put in contacts, love on girl.

Yet another list

2010-06-08T13:54:00.000-05:00

I was inspired by another friend to make another list-one that might be a neccesity to make. Yesterday was disasterous. I had a sinus infection, it was my first full day home with the girl, track camp was a flop, and to top it off, Zoey got sick when we got home. Yeah, that kind of sick. I can barely write that. The medicine is crap. However, my precious, precious husband was so good to remind me that God is so much bigger than fear and odds. So, here is my list of things that I am grateful for:

1. a amazing, Godly husband

2. being held together with strong arms when I am falling apart

3. a husband who honestly does not mind caring for a sick little girl

4. a husband who does not resent my fears

5. A God whose mercy is unfailing

6. A God whose love is shown to me through my husband

7. antibiotics

8. a husband who is devastatingly handsome

9. after 7 years of hiding embarassing things, being able to trust my husband enough to tell him absolutely everything.

10. A husband who loves every part of me-even the parts I hate with a passion.

I can only thank God for loving me so much that he truly gave me the perfect partner. He is not perfect (who is?), but he is gosh, just so great. I am blessed to experience this kind of love.

Things I am a sucker for...

2010-06-07T13:02:00.000-05:00

I am inspired by my Kelly. I am a sucker for...

a certain little sandy haired girl with green eyes

info-mercials

small businesses

dessert

online shopping

pretty undergarments

books with girly covers

making lists

Coming to an end

2010-05-27T12:59:00.000-05:00

As we speak, my fifth period is eating lunch in my classroom. A couple of weeks ago, they asked if they could start eating with me, and of course I said yes. I thought it might wear me out to not have a little break, but I LOVE IT. I love my kids so much (well, most of them anyway). I am going to be so sad on the last day of school. This year, above all other years, I have enjoyed my kids the most. It is probably because I have a class of 10, a class of 12, and a class of 6. I know; it is unbelievably great. Plus, I just love 6th graders. I never thought I would, but I adore them. They are still young enough to like their teacher. So, right now, I am just watching them play trashketball, and just soaking it all in. I am so happy. I love when life saturates a place.

On a completely different note-I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow. I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow. I am going to Claremont tomorrow. I am going to Claremont tomorrow! I am going to Claremont tomorrow!......... I think you might get the picture that I am somewhat excited about our little vacation. All day Monday I thought it was Tuesday. I even pulled the trash to the sidewalk before I realized that it was Monday. I think I was subconsciously trying to speed up the week. Oh my gosh. I am hardly wait. It is going to be so great. Relaxing and just enjoying the beautiful weather with a few touristy things here and there-that is my idea of a vacation. On a happy note-My sweet Kelly has definitely made this week much more than simply bearable. I am so thankful to have a friend who will drop everything to come and help me out. Kindness in body form.

bugly antics

2010-05-24T16:44:00.000-05:00

Zoey has been so funny lately. It seems that she turned into a whole new person when she turned two. I mean, the girl has TONS of personality and a great sense of humor. I genuinely get a good laugh with her a couple times a week. Sometimes I am laughing at her, but there are times when she is truly trying to be funny.
              She does something that John calls "shifty eyes." She will be doing something a little sneaky and she will look at you from the very corner of her eyes. Then she shift her eyes to the other corner all while having a hug silly grin on her face. One of the things that I also love is her idea that the closer she gets to your face, the more important her need is. She will put her nose to my nose to ask for "jelbeansh" (jellybeans) and "fwootnacks" (fruit snacks). And often when she is this close, she will whisper. I love to see how her imagination is expanding. She also recently invented a game that she likes to play called "Save me." It involves her or another person leaning back over the couch while yelling "I'm falling! Help me! Save me!" She or the other person (depending on which role she feels like playing) will yell "I'm coming! I'll save you!" Then you grab the victim and pull them to safety. Then, you have the thank the rescuer with kisses. When she does it, it is SOOOO funny, because she is totally serious about this game. We were playing at my parents house, and I was the victim on the oversized chair. She has this little Zoey sized fold up chair that she placed at the foot of the ottoman. When I yelled, "Help me, Zoey; Save me!", she would shout, "I coming, Mama! I coming!" Then she would so seriously shift the chair just a little to get it in the perfect rescue position and then dive onto the ottoman, grap my shirt, make a straining face and say "I got you! (or "I gotchew!" in zoese). I don't even know where she came up with this,. Maybe something she saw on TV. It makes me laugh. One day, we were on our way home from my parents, and she was tired and fussy, but all the sudden she stopped crying and said, "Giant Mountain!" (from Dora the Explorer) and I said, "Where?" and she pointed at something obscure. She then proceeded to pretend the entire way home that she was in a nepisode of Dora. We went over the Giant Mountain, through the Nut Forest and over the Troll Bridge. It was hysterical.
           Sometimes she hugs me, and her little hands pat my back at the same time. She was sitting next to Jo (her babysitter) today at the table eating lunch, and she just reached over and starting giving her a little pat. It was so sweet. She seems like she will be a kind hearted little girl. She notices the emotion of everyone, especially other babies. If they are crying, she will look at us with a faux sad face and say "Baby crying?" And it really seems to plague her until the baby stops or she has moved on to something else.
                She doesn't drink out of her sippy cups as much, because she has gotten pretty good with the regular cup. She LOVES to dump stuff out, which is usually really annoying, but she doesn't do it as much. I think she is slowly starting to understand that she can dump water outside and in the bathtub. And speaking of the bathtub, she loves taking baths with me. And I have to admit, I love it too, although lately she has become obsessed with my ahem, cough, breasts. She likes to talk about them and grab at them. It kinda weirds me out, but I know this is pretty normal. I might have to put a stop to it soon, because she told her Sunday School teacher two weeks ago "I like boobies!" But that was just the beginning of all the liking of stuff. She walked around the house last week carrying M&Ms, Sour Patch Kids and popcorn saying, "I wike MMs, Jelbeans, and pacorn." The other day she told me she liked me. I was soaring. I am tired and I can't think of anything else at the moment, but there are so many things that she does that I find so endearing, like clasping her hands and letting out a little gasp and squeal when she gets something she likes. I showed her some paints that I got her yesterday and she let out a gasp, clasped her hands and said, "Oh tank djew, tank djew!"
I am just falling more in love with her everyday.

tidbits from the day

2010-05-12T17:12:00.002-05:00

I decided that since this is my blog, I don't have to always write stuff that makes sense. I just want to jot down some things that I have observed and enjoyed today. And I just love making lists.
1. John booked my ticket to California today! I can't wait! That is where I'll be for Memorial day. Oh bliss bliss bliss. We'll be in Clairmont which is near L.A. I have been needing this vacation for oh so long. I will especially need it after John is gone the entire week before. I am meeting him there. Kelly, want to move in?
2. Today I met two friends for lunch. The place was pretty empty, so I didn't feel that bad letting Zoey roam for awhile while I chatted. She made friends with two ladies. She climbed up in an empty chair and had a heart to heart with them. As Mariela said, Zoey is a friend to all. When we were leaving, the ladies said, "Bye Zoey!" and she replied, "Bye friends!"
3. I have let her watch entirely too much T.V. today. I feel guilty about that.
4. I am stoked that the doctor is weaning me off one of the 5 medications that I take. I am also nervous about this because I have been taking this one for two years.
5. While in Waco, Zoey got her first haircut. She has a little bob, and at first, I thought she looked like the old timey cartoon little boys that wear the little sailor hats and have hair that falls around their ears, but she is really starting to work the cut. We just weren't getting anywhere letting the hair grow out. It was starting to get in her face too much. The lady said that this would help her hair grow better. The baby ends were in the way, I guess. I almost cried.
6. One of the most exciting parts of my day was when the filters for my dustbuster came in. I have been missing being able to use it. Sometimes I vacuum the house with it. It makes me happy.
7. I do not have praise team practice tonight and I am pretty happy about it. I just love hanging out with my husband and Wednesday night T.V.
8. Confession: When I take my vitamins, they make me not able to, ahem, go number two, which is one of the joys of my life. It is a great feeling okay? Don't judge. So, lately I have found myself singing my new version of "Someday my Prince will Come" from Cinderella-in place of Prince, I put another p word that is more appropriate for my current situation. I am hopeful all of this will work itself out yet. Hence the song.

Retraction

2010-05-07T16:55:00.001-05:00

Alright. I am done being mad. I have talked to the sibs and seen the folly of my thinking. I do love my daughter and even more my husband. And I have a truly spectacular mom. I am an extremely blessed girl. And now I am done and I am going home. The end.

Because this is my blog and I can

2010-05-07T15:40:00.000-05:00

I can complain for a minute. I love my daughter dearly, but I have been with her too much lately. TOO MUCH! I just need a breather. I thought I might get one tonight in the form of her riding with my parents to Waco, but it is a no go. My mom doesn't want to wait around for her, even though she isn't even out of school yet and I know my husband would gladly bring her over there. Ugh. Plus, I am in desperate need of some alone time with the hubs. He just got back into town and he has had a bad week. I have had a bad couple of weeks. Stupid medicine. It makes me feel sick all the time. Today at lunch was the first time in awhile that I haven't felt like ralphing. I mean, at least I actually haven't. My gosh. Wouldn't that be so ironic? Anyway, my mom and dad did take Zoey with them when they went to run some errands the other day and I got to hang out at their house with my sister for like an hour and a half. So I guess my mom feels she has fulfilled her grandmotherly duty for the week. I really do not want to go to Waco anymore. Maybe I will just skip the whole thing. I know that John would let me have a whole day to do nothing tomorrow if we weren't going. Great. Now I am in a completely bad mood and their is no reprieve in sight. And yes, I am aware of how blessed I am to be a mother and have a great family, but this is my blog and I can cry if I want to. Happy freakin' Mother's Day.

Sweating the small stuff

2010-04-19T16:34:00.000-05:00

I admit it. I am totally sweating my life right now. All of the sudden I just seem to be surrounded with things that are out of [my] control. I don't like that feeling. If you know me all, you know that I love to have things planned out and routines set. I am pretty much a creature of habit. I do fight this tendency at times, but for the most part, when I don't know what my next step is going to be, I get nervous. I think a lot of this stems from the fact that I have anxiety and depression problems (Wow. Just said that out loud. Feeling embarassed to admit that I am weak, but also it was a little bit freeing.) I have always known that I have some kind of anxiety. I mean, I can barely type the word throw-up with out wanting to run out of the room. In fact, I am a ~~little~~ lot nervous right now. I just thought that I was alone with this stupid fear until I met someone in college who was afraid of the same thing. She knew why she was, but I am still clueless. But again, knowing one person did not make me feel that much better. It wasn't until recently that my sweet husband told me that my phobia was the 5th most common phobia in the world, and I began to read some info on it. I tried a therapist, but she was full of crap, and I just don't think I was ready. I have some other issues that I wanted to have addressed that I will never talk about with anyone but the therapist and a little 6th grade girl who counseled me one day. I was also noticing that I was feeling more guilty than usual. I mean, I felt really guilty one day because I didn't eat any vegetables for lunch. That was when I figured I might need to talk to someone else. I wanted to see someone who could give me medicine if I needed it, so I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I didn't tell anyone, because isn't that where crazy people go? I finally told my best friend, who was so encouraging and made me feel slightly better about it. The first appointment I made got canceled when I was on my way there and I was so disappointed I almost cried. My second appointment I got too nervous and walked out. It was just so overwhelming. I kept practicing what I was going to say to this man when he asked me why I was there, but there were so many people there and they all seemed to have BO, and I just had to escape. The third time, I actually made it into the office. The doctor was so nice, and he alleviated most of my anxiety just by being kind and businesslike. And Jenn was right, he did not treat me like the freak that I feel like. So, now a new journey starts-one that is medicated. And it leaves me wondering and hoping that I am in God's will. Oh, I pray that I am. Because I want this to work. I don't want to feel guilty or feel mortal dread every time I get a call or text at school. And more than anything, I want to cope, because what I am doing now is far from that. What I am doing now is merely surviving.
I haven't actually started the meds yet, and I am a little nervous about it. But, I am nervous aboout almost everything these days. I feel like I am looking down a long road, and I think the best way to start this journey is on my knees talking to God.

Things that make you go Hmmmmmm....

2010-03-31T13:07:00.000-05:00

I was driving behind an 18 wheeler truck this afternoon, and written on the back was (on the left) "Passing Side-El passo" and (on the right) "Suicide-el smasho". I cannot determine whether that was meant to be funny or serious. Hmmmm....I was both amused and scared.

Wordless Tuesday

2010-03-30T22:01:00.000-05:00

(just for good measure)

Just a few things I want to remember

2010-03-15T23:09:00.000-05:00

So far, this has been a fantastic Spring Break. I was really, really, REALLY anxious about it, because well, I am always anxious when I have to spend hours upon hours and days upon days with the Zoester. I do not know how stay at home moms do it. They are seriously some of the strongest, most selfless people I know. However, God has been so faithful, and we have a had a great time so far. I do not know why I am surprised by this. My God is always so faithful, but it seems like it just hit me the other day while I was lying in bed. I CAN pray to have a great week with Zoey, and God will answer my prayer. The creator of the universe cares whether my daughter and I have some real bonding time. Wow. So many small things blow me away about my Father.
Anyway, my mom and I decided to pack up and head to Waco to see my grandparents. My Papa needs a someone to take care of him every once in a while, since he is essentially a stay at home parent to an infant. And I think I have it hard. So, here we are in Waco. I was super nervous about Zoey sleeping well because of the time change and being in an unfamiliar environment, but she didn't do too bad last night, and so far tonight, not a peep. She was zonked.
While I was sitting in my car this afternoon taking a breather and charging Zoey's DVD player, I spotted my Bible in the floor board and realized God had graciously given me some pure, unadulterated time just to spend with him. It is always a luxgery when I do not feel like I am just squeezing God in. After a little readin', I was doing a little prayin'. I was just thanking God for some of the sweet times that I had had in the past two days with my precious family. I prayed that God would help me to remember some specific things even though I did not have pictures of them. And hours later, it dawned on me that writing them down would be a good way to remember them.
So, the things that I want to remember are:
*Taking Zoey on her first convertible car ride (completely illegally!)It was such a beautiful day yesterday before we left town, and my dad and I have just been longing to be able to take Zoey for a ride in his new car. The law says she is supposed to be 12 before she can ride in a front seat, but we just couldn't wait that long. I love experiencing things with her.
*Talking with my mom for three hours straight on the car ride here.
* Zoey in the backseat saying" Hi mommy! Hi Meme! Hi Mommy! Hi Meme! I happy!"
*Sitting in my grandparents backyard with my mom, Papa, and Meme blowing bubbles with Zoey on a gorgeous afternoon. How can I be anymore blessed? The weather was perfect.
*Sitting in the drive way with my mom and Zoey coloring with side walk chalk and eating ice cream. I think that might be the highlight of my trip. The sun was about to set and there was a slight breeze, but it wasn't cold in the sun. My daughter had bare legs that are covered with bruises and scratches from constantly falling, but they are still the cutest legs I have ever seen. Her eyes were full of delight as she discovered this new toy that would color on the ground. We sat on the sun warmed ground and drew letters and made sounds and sang songs and snuggled. And then to compound on her delight Meme brought her the greatest love of her life ICE CREAM! After eating as much as I would allow her, her face was covered with chocolate and chalk and I wished so much that I could draw so I could capture that moment forever. Not even the camera could do her justice.
*Consoling my little girl when she woke up and didn't know where she was. She then let me lay down with her. That never happens anymore. She fell asleep on my stomach just like she did when she was a baby. I just lay there smelling her hair and stroking her soft arms.
*Laying in bed with my mom and my daughter. Zoey woke up this morning super early, but my mom tried to let me sleep by putting her in bed with her. When I walked in to her room, I could tell that Zoey was not going to go back to sleep, but I decided to slide in bed next to her anyway. It was a sweet time. She let me hold her hand, and she rested for about 30 more minutes. I loved it. Just laying in the dark with two of my favorite girls listening to their breathing.
*Laying on my back in the dressing room of Ann Taylor Loft with Zoey on my feet flying through the air.
*Watching my daughter so completely love her great grandfather, taking his hand and demanding that he come wherever she goes, calling his name to get his attention, eating her vegetables just because he asked her to, climbing into his lap for an extra snuggle.
My heart is full.

Valentine's weekend

2010-02-28T22:08:00.000-06:00

I know that I am super behind on every holiday, but I am posting this in February, albeit the last day. Anyways, we decided that after last year's Valentine's Day massacre, that we would get out of town to celebrate this year. We wanted to stick close to home because it was Zoey's first time to stay in a hotel, and I just had feelings of dread. She never sleeps well when she in the same room with us. In fact, during the when the whole fam is at the grandparent's house, someone gives up a room just so Zoey can have her own. She is totally spoiled.Anyway, we headed to Galveston to give Zoey her first taste of the beach as well, and it just so ended up that it was the big weekend for Mardi Gras as well. Much to John's chagrin, I fell in love and have just found a whole other holiday to celebrate.So, back to the hotel. Funny thing about Valentine's/Mardi Gras, you happen to be surrounded by either people getting married or people who are drunk. On our floor at the Galvez, we were surrounded by a drunk wedding party. It was...interesting to say the least. Around 10ish, the whole party was deciding where to go in the hall; of course that kept Zoey up. They finally decided to hit the bar about 11, woke the girl up again. Slamming of doors and loud shouting ensued. Apparently getting married means manners be damned. Super annoying. The real treat came about 4 in the morning when a very drunk groom and another member of the wedding party had a screaming match in the hall. They had apparently just come back from a strip joint where the other man had behaved inappropriately with the groom's intended, or perhaps had some incriminating photos of the groom. I don't know. I was listening as hard as I could, but while the volume was certainly loud enough, neither man was sober enough. Hotel secruity tried to break it up, but the groom (a large Italian man) claimed the guard was "racial profiling." Yeah, that bride was getting a real winner. It took all my will power not to step in the hall and with a few choice words of my own, tell them that if they woke up my kid again, there would be no wedding because he was going to be too tired from taking care of a very disgruntled 2 year old and/or I would kill him. I guess the guy didn't think that he was loud enough to be able to be heard through the paper thin walls of the hotel rooms, because he was cussing up a storm and at one point the other guy told the groom that he needed to quiet down, but he said "No one can hear me." I think that was the point that my husband's vision went red and he went out into the hall and said "I can hear you in my room, and I am tired of your language and you waking up my daughter!" He was much more diplomatic than I would have been. My confrontation would have included shoving. Anyway, the groom mumbled an apology and that was the last we heard of that. The next morning when Zoey woke up promptly at 8, I let her sing as loud as she wanted to in retaliation. Passive aggression at its finest. Needless to say, we will not be staying at a hotel again for some time, but the next day was a blast. Zoey seemed to like the beach. She loved the seashells and the sand, but she was a little wary of the water.

Zoey's favorite part of the day, hands down, was eating ice cream at La King's on The Strand.

I got a little obsessed with getting beads. I could not understand why not every person was personally handing my sweet little girl beads whenever she stretched out her little hands and said "Mo mo beas?"

At the end of the day, night's calamities and days festivities caught up to the girl. She was zonked the whole way home. We had a great time, and I could not have asked for two better Valentines.

Catch 22

2010-02-25T10:16:00.000-06:00

So, I have still been struggling with some of the big decisions that I need to make, but for now, most of them are on hold. I prayed about us moving, and I asked God to take away the desire if it wasn't the right time, and he answered that prayer. I have NO (zip, zero, nilch, nada) desire to move. God is so good! If anything, I am even more in love with my home than I was before. It is the place where my family belongs. It is such a great feeling to have one burden lifted off of me.
The next decisions are not quite as easy, although I say that and God chuckles because to him, it is all easy. Let me break into random song-
"What mighty God we serve!
What a mighty God we serve!
Angels bow before him; Heaven and Earth adore him!
What a mighty God we serve!"
("Thanks for the reminder, Ash. Oh, you are certainly welcome. Please take it to heart and stop being an idiot. Well, I'll try just for you. That's all I can ask, I guess."-just a little internal dialogue for you)
All that being said, I am still trying to figure out whether to go back full time or stay part time. I do love having my mornings, but I feel like everything in my argument should revolve around the bug, and while she is in there, that is not all that I love about being part time. I LOVE that I can get ready at my leisure. I LOVE that I don't have as many classes to grade. I LOVE being able to have more time for lunch. I LOVE being hungry for interaction on Thursdays-it makes me appreciate my co-workers so much. I love being with my baby girl in the mornings. I love that she is not in day care. I love that I feel like I am raising her instead of some random teacher at daycare.
On the other hand, there are so many things that I want for our family with the extra money that I would make. I want Zoey to be in Mother's Day Out. I think she needs the social interaction, and I think being the social creature that she, she would adore it. I would love to put her in a dance or gymanstics class. If you have seen the recent video, you know what a little daredevil she is. She needs to have some adventure in her life. That is another thing that I think she would just thrive in. I would love to go to some kind of Yoga class or, don't laugh, join Curves. I would love to go get massages on a more regular basis. I would love for my husband to be able to get some more things for his camera so he can do what he loves. I want to provide all these things for my family, but I realize that with ~~more power comes more resposibility~~ more money comes less time. Although I might have the financial resources for these things, my time will be cut in half. I might have enough time for Zoey to be in a class, but I will not have time to be in one myself without completely sacrificing our family time. And family time will be a preciouis commodity if I don't have the mornings with my daughter. So, there is the Catch 22. I realize that many of my desires are selfish, but I also know myself. I need to do things for me, as much as I hate to admit how weak I am. It's laughable really. Completely ironic. Make more money and provide for your family all the while sacrificing your family in the process. (Please understand, mothers with full time jobs, that I read your blogs, and I know how much you love your families. I know that sometimes you do not have a choice, and the love that I read on your blogs makes me realize that you are a) much better moms than I am, and b) God is blessing your family because of your obedience. All of this ranting is just about me-I know, so self absorbed.) So, what is a girl to do? I guess that is a question best left unanswered for now. I must (we must, we must increase our increase our bust! Ugh. Can you tell I've had too much coffee today?) trust that God will provide an answer just as He always does.

My Montage 2/15/10 at OneTrueMedia.com

2010-02-15T19:02:00.001-06:00

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

A very belated Christmas update

2010-02-09T11:34:00.000-06:00

I am a little embarassed this is so late, but it was one of those things I just couldn't make myself do for no particular reason. We had a lovely Christmas. I had a lot of fun playing Santa Clause this year for the Zoester. She was super cute! Every year just gets better.

A little self therapy?

2010-02-01T13:02:00.000-06:00

I am having a ~~major~~ ~~minor~~ major freakout right now. I think it is all due to the two HUGE decisions that are weighing on my mind. I really want to make wise Godly decisions, but I am fighting myself tooth and nail every step of the way. I don't think it helps that I am completely hormonal right now. These decisions shouldn't be this hard to make. Plus, they are making me doubt everything about myself right now. It is a snowball effect.
So, I am debating about whether or not to have another baby. The first one was never in my plan, but she is here nevertheless. So now, do I make her a big sister? I have enough fear tied up with her; I just don't know if another one will do me in. The thought of two sick kids is enough to make me want to run and hide. In fact, I might be starting to hyperventilate right now. At the same time, when she is good, she is really good, and she makes it difficult not to want to have another one of her. Plus, do I deprive her the chance to love a sibling? I adore my siblings with every fiber of my being-how can I deny her that? I really just want to do what God wants me to do. I want to glorify him with my decisions. I can't feel any guidance though. I really think my dear husband would like another one someday, but he is not in a rush. I am not in a rush, but this decision definitely affects the other decision-Should we put our house on the market? I was looking at houses in our area the other day just for fun, and I came across a house that I immediately fell in love with. It was so beautiful. A yellow victorian with an amazing kitchen. I even went so far as to have my father-in-law realtor take me to look at it. I was perfect. However, it was too small. Maybe if we were only going to ever have Zoey could we possibly fit in this house. It's just not a practical house for us however perfect the deal is. But looking at that house gave me the fever. I want to live in a house that has a little more character. Don't get me wrong; our house is great. We have been blessed beyond measure with our first home. But my heart has always belonged to the older homes with character. Maybe because I was raised in one. I don't know. So father in law was kind enough to send us more listings for 4 bedroom houses. I really liked some of them. None were the victorian, but that just seems to be a dream that I will have to put on hold until I am older. So, now my house fever is raging. I called John on the edge of panic, because I just need prayer about this whole thing. If it is not God's will for us to move, I need him to take this desire away. I am scared of doing anything that is not in his will. Oh, I want so badly to please God.
So, all of this has been weighing on my mind all weekend, and it doesn't help that my usual place of refuge-work-is also a place where I am going to have to be making a big decision soon. My head hurts from the grip that my worry has around it. So, since all the other decisions are out of my hands for the time being, I decided that there was one thing I can do. I am going to make a list of all the things that I am sure of that make me happy.
So, here goes:
I am sure that I have a God who loves me.
I am sure that my husband is awesome.
I am sure that I have a great family.
I am sure that eating a sandwhich with potato chips in it is scrumptious.
I am sure that my daughter will probably want to watch Dora when I get home, and I will let her.
I am sure that pre-shredded cheese is way easier that shredding cheese yourself. I have the wound to prove it.
I am sure that I love applejuice limeades from Sonic.
I am sure that I made a good decision with my hair last Thursday when I cut a dyed it.
I am sure that teaching is my calling.
I am sure that I will always love chocolate.
I am sure that I love that watching Big Love with my husband even though he probably hates it.
I think that might be about all I am sure about right now. But, for now, it is enough.

Thanks Sarah!

2010-01-19T22:13:00.003-06:00

My sweet friend, Sarah, nominated me for this blog award. I guess it is more like a game, but I am still honored that Sarah would think of me. I just love that girl. So, here are the rules:

Thank the person who nominated you for this award.--Thanks, Sarah!
Copy the award & place it on your blog.
Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
Tell us 7 interesting things about yourself.
Nominate 7 bloggers
Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

Okay...hmmmm....seven interesting things...
1. My feet itch when I drink wine, but I suck it up and do it anyway.
2. Every Sunday night my family has Knippers family fire night where we just sit around the fire pit in the backyard and burn stuff. It has an open invitation to anyone who wants to come.
3. I have already started planning Zoey's birthday party even though it isn't until April.
4. I go all out for St. Patrick's Day.
5. I vowed I would never teach and I hated middle schoolers, so what do I do for a living? I teach middle school English and I love it.
6. I LOVE HGTV
7. For some reason, I hate the idea of brushing my teeth. I don't like stinky breath, but it seems like so much work to actually brush them. I do though, so don't worry.

Here are my 7 nominees:
Misty
Kendra
Cheryl
Kelly Cain
Amy
Robin
Kelly Comerford

it's been long enough

2010-01-19T10:29:00.002-06:00

I really have nothing to say, but I feel as if I have neglected this blog long enough. I would love to put new pictures on, but alas, I have not even uploaded my pictures from Christmas yet. It's almost like I am just in denial that they are still on my camera. Or perhaps it is that I am rebelling against what I know I should be doing. Or perhaps it is just laziness. I am going to go with the former two.
I have had lots of things on my mind lately, but for some reason I haven't been able to articulate them. My head has been swimming, but as soon as I seem to have a whole thought, it is gone again. Basically, I feel pretty content. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am back on lexapro. I really believed that I was strong enough to not need that extra little push, but I guess I am not. I had a wonderful chat with a woman at work in which I completely broke down and she encouraged me to get back on the meds. She told me it was silly to allow myself to continue to feel that way when being on medicine is not a sign of weakness. I don't think it is in other people, but for some reason I feel like it might be for me. I guess I felt like if I was a strong enough Christian, someone who was really relying on God, I wouldn't need the medicine. Or if I really gave all my fears to God, I wouldn't be scared. I am so afraid to completely give up my fears because I feel like as soon as I do, God is going to make me face them. I just don't know if I can. I don't think I am strong enough for that even with the medicine.
I have been doing some research on my particular fear, and it seems like I am going to have to find a therapist. I tried therapy a little while ago, but it didn't last long. I really just wanted to hit the lady in the face every time she opened her mouth. She basically told me that the reason I was afraid was because I don't go out with my friends enough. She seemed to think that the solution was a weekly date with John. She just kept asking me if there was a way we could go on a date once a week. I nearly laughed in her face the first time she mentioned it, but the next three times she talked aboout it, I just got angry. "Not practical!" I nearly shouted.
So, I guess I am left to wonder if other people live in constant fear. It isn't debilitating until I am confronted with it face to face. Most of the time it is just a nagging worry that causes me to overanalyze every facet of my daughter and husband. To me, it has just been a part of my life since childhood. I would be sad about sharing all of this if I wasn't on meds. But as it is, I feel nothing at the moment.
On the other hand, I am aware of how blessed I have been lately. I kinda just feel like the rest is just my reminder that this is not my home. I am waiting my King. Perhaps this is the thorn in my flesh. I know not everyone has something like this that they struggle with, but God deals with different people in different ways. God has given me more than I could imagine, more than I could ever deserve, because as a sinner, I deserve nothing. I really just want to be a true representative of God and his amazing love, and sometimes I feel like this fear gets in the way, because how can I fully love God when I am struggling with this trust? That is my real question. I want so badly to genuinely love and serve my God-is this getting in the way? Am I being a true follower of Christ? These are the questions and thoughts that have been swimming around my head. Oh God, am I serving you well enough? Am I being genuine? Am I being a pharisee?
So, it seems all of that is what has kept me away from this blog for so long. There you have it whether you wanted it or not.

Wordless Monday

2009-12-21T20:35:00.003-06:00

Where are you Christmas?

2009-12-07T16:15:00.003-06:00

I am frustrated. I am sad. I am let down. I am surrounded by Christmas, and yet, the holiday cheer escapes me. I feel like Cindy Lou Who wondering "Where are you Christmas? Where can I find you? Where have you gone away?" I am usually so joyful this time of year, and yet, I feel nothing. As I told John yesterday "I just don't feel Christmas in my heart." Me, the celebrator, cannot muster the spirit of celebration. Not even when it was snowing. I keep waiting for it to hit me. I was much more excited about Thanksgiving this year. It seems my Christmas spirit went on Thanksgiving vacation and has not decided to come back yet. Maybe it is the whirlwind of the holiday season that has me off. I don't have a free weekend until after New Year's. I need to just forget how I am feeling and meditate on the gift that I have received from Christ's birth. Christ, the Wonderful Counsellor, Almighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, came to Earth not on a chariot of fire, but born to a virgin in a stable. And although the birth of this King was humble in man's view, the heavens, the ones in the know, exploded with joy! They knew what this meant for mankind. So, to the lowly shepards the angels sang "Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth, peace to him on whom his favor rests!" That is pretty exciting and wonderful whether my emotions are on board or not.
"Oh Holy Night
the star were brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining (love that we are described this way. Not just longing-pining -withering away with out someone to fulfill us)
till HE appeared and the soul felt it's worth (We are redeemed. Our worthlessness was traded in for something of ultimate value. We were valueless until Christ was born, for what had we to offer?)
A thrill of hope
The weary world rejoices (even the trees must have known that from that moment on, everything had changed)
for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn'
Fall on your knees (as the Wise Men must have done. What can we do but worship?)
Oh, hear the angel voices!
Oh night divine
Oh night, when Christ was born
Oh night divine
Oh, night, oh night divine."

I just need you to know that...

2009-12-04T12:22:00.003-06:00

*I just ate pop-tarts, bacon, and Lay's potato chips for lunch-th elunch of champions. The only reason I ate the bacon was to offset the junkiness of the poptarts. I think that was faulty logic, but I'm not sure. The chips were just a little gift to myself.

*In celebration of "snow day," I decided that Z and I should take a bubble bath, and when I asked her if she wanted to play in the bubbles, she said, "Mhmm, dat djew (thank you) Mommy!"

*I am WAAAAYYYY excited about getting out of school early for this snow day even if it is just an hour early-John's off Fridays are soooo snuggly.

*I am seriously thinking about letting my kids play today. They are so revved up and I feel very sad that they are wasting this precious snow day in school. That should be illegal in Texas...well, south Texas.

*I think it is hilarious that a little bit of snow, and really this is just a little bit-it's not even sticking, throws everyone into a tizzy around here. People up north must think we are crazy.

Lalalalala! Snow day!

I hate craft blogs

2009-11-24T12:41:00.002-06:00

I always find myself looking at these craft blogs and feeling like a total loser. How is it that these women have beautiful families and homes and still have time to make all those dang crafts? And, to top it off, they all seem skinny too. I'll just tell you the truth-I'm jealous. I want to be cool and crafty. I want to create something that I can give to people that will be a keepsake forever. I want to make my daughter clothes and toys. I want to wear jewelry that when people say, "Oh wow, where did you get that?" I can say with a smug smile " Oh this? I made it." Instead I am just...me. Just boring me. Me, who found a few gray hairs this week. So, not only am I not crafty, but I am old. I am running out of time to be crafty. And honestly, I am not sure that I would be any good at being crafty if I did have time/make time. I tried sewing some burp clothes once. Wow. The stitch looked like Lombard Street. My sister in law (who could have one of those crafty websites) had to finish for me. I have always told myself that if I only had time to work on that kind of stuff, I too could be a craftster. But, when I found those gray hairs, the reality of life set in. I am already who I am going to be. I am not going to be crafty, or skinny for that matter. So, what do I do now? I guess I'll just order some stuff from etsy and pop another cookie. Is 28 too early to be having a mid life crisis?

a few minutes of doing something "naughty"

2009-11-12T12:45:00.002-06:00

Okay, maybe not naughty, but it feels that way. I have several things that I should be doing right now, but this is my small rebellion. I am "sticking it to the man" by wasting my time while on their time. It feels good. They waste enough of mine shoving conflicting philosophies and data down my throat. So there administrators, take this. And there goes my time. Here comes the reason I teach.

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T22:23:00.003-05:00

We had a fantastic Halloween. The weather was so perfect-a gorgeous fall day! We started our celebration by carving pumpkins. I thought Zoey might be a little afraid or grossed out, but she just dove right it. She had her oversized spoon and was digging out the pumpkin guts like a pro. She even had a little raw pumpkin as a snack. She is such a weirdo. My family and some good friends came over to celebrate with us. The fam manned the homefront while us and the Harlans took our girls trick or treating. It was so much fun! The girls loved it! Zoey was loving rolling around in the wagon with the wind in her hair ( I have a feeling she is going to be a convertable girl). At first, they were a little unsure about what to do. Emma knew that she was supposed to knock on the door, but they didn't know what to do with the candy. Zoey figured it out pretty fast, and she had a dum-dum unwrapped before we knew it. The eventually figured out that people offering them candy was a very good thing. They were so funny!

so far today....

2009-10-29T10:14:00.002-05:00

I have:

snuggled a kitty:)

arrived early to work:)

been forced to do the cupid shuffle:(

been lectured:(

been chastised:(

tried to come up with a solution to hair problems using a hand dryer:)

scarfed down the October birthday breakfast:)

and the bell just rang. The Cupid Shuffle? Really?

Little Punkin

2009-10-24T22:32:00.005-05:00

We took our little punkin to a pumpkin patch this afternoon. The weather was perfect for enjoying some fall festivities. Zoey loves pumpkins; every time she sees one, she points and says "poumpin."She is turning out to be a true lover of fall. I am so proud.

A little girl in a BIG chair

She was serious about this sucker. This may have been after she dropped it on the ground.

A quick pose with mommy-kinda. She was still pretty intent on her sucker.

Giving daddy a big hug

Showing some love to the pumpkins (She kisses things she loves)

Happy little girl

a cute little punkin' amongst the other pumpkins

Sharing the love

She especially loved the Zoey sized pumpkins.

Birthday weekend

2009-10-24T21:56:00.004-05:00

For my birthday surprise this year, John planned a weekend away from the bug. We bought us tickets to the King's Feast at the Renaissance Festival-something I have always wanted to do. It is a 6 course meal complete with entertainment. The weather was perfect for a weekend of outdoor entertainment. I could not have asked for a better birthday treat!

The King's Feast at the Renaissance Fair

We gorged on the food! It was so delicious! We were stuffed! (and the couple sitting next to us were SLOSHED-it was hilarious!)

Some of the entertainment was a troupe of belly dancers. They were fantastic. One of the girls even danced with a snake.

John tried his hand at knife throwing. He wasn't too bad.

After we enjoyed the festival, John whisked me away to the Messina Hof winery in Bryan.

The weather was so beautiful during our tour of the winery.

After sleeping in and a sumptuous breakfast at the winery, we decided to explore the town of College Station.

The George W. Bush Library at A&M-It was actually a really interesting museum. I was a little surprised:)

A tribute to the Berlin wall

Okay Nick Jr., we've had enough

2009-10-10T00:03:00.005-05:00

I hate Dora the Explorer. There, I said it. I know that she is a much loved symbol to children everywhere, but she is SOOO bossy and loud. The girl never says please. She shouts all the time. She is offensive to all my senses. I can't stand her voice. It is grating and caustic. I can't stand the way she looks. Her eyes are so big and freaky, and if they move any further apart, they are going to fall off her face. Nothing she wears matches. And sometimes, you catch glimpses of her midriff. What a skank. Today, she told children across the world that one of her destinations was a river infested with alligators, essentially giving kids the "go ahead" to play with alligators. Thanks Dora. You have signed the death warrants of hundreds of innocent, naive children. You have pretty much wiped Louisiana off the map.
As much as I hate Dora, Zoey loves her. That is her favorite show. Today, she was sitting in her highchair eating dinner when Dora came on. She practically clawed her way out of the chair when she heard the song start playing. And when the part came that said, "Swipper no swiping!", she, who had contorted her body into unnatural proportions trying to catch a glimpse of her beloved heroine, promptly replied "Aw, man!" In that moment, I died a little. I'm not sure my sweet little girl will ever be the same. If she starts demanding that I "Say backpack! Say backpack!", I may break the TV.

Drop it like it's hot

2009-10-05T20:28:00.002-05:00

What can I say? The girl can drop it like it's hot! She cracks me up!

Thankful

2009-09-27T20:34:00.006-05:00

I love the fall so much. I can feel it in my bones weeks before it arrives, and I practically count down the hours until I can shout "Happy Fall!" Autumn is the beginning of so many wonderful things-crisp air, crunchy leaves, yummy smells, comforting food, and most importantly, CELEBRATING! My heart friend, Toni, and I have been exchanging Autumn gifts for years. This year was no exception. I got her package in the mail on Thursday, and I actually squealed with delight. I wanted to document the moment for her. Ripping into the package

My beautiful new bowl, now lovingly on display in my dining room
Peanuts lip gloss-I love all things Charlie Brown. My Toni knows me so well.
A sampling of the tea Toni sent me. We are lovers of tea!
My new pumpkin stamp!!! I can't wait to use it! I LOVE IT!
I read Toni's handmade card over and over. I miss her so terribly.
The bug liked Toni's package as well! She has already taken over the crayons and coloring book. (Also, please notice that she is wearing pj's with pumpkins all over-so cute!)

So, my sweet little Toni-girl, I love you the world. Thank you for the gift! You were right; this is the best one ever! I hope you liked yours as much as I liked mine. You make my heart dance with joy.

The entertainer

2009-09-21T10:43:00.000-05:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Playing catch-up

2009-09-06T22:09:00.001-05:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

no words

2009-09-01T22:05:00.002-05:00

Here is a conversation that I had with one of my students yesterday.

Me: So, when you are taking the test, the first thing it is going to ask you is what type of books you like:
Simone: I don't have a favorite book.
Me: You just have to click what kind you like-romance, mystery, etc.
Simone: I don't like any kind. I only like to read things about me.
Me: (flabbergasted) Really?
Simone: (stone-faced serious) Yeah. Books aren't about me, so I am not interested. I only like to think about me.
Me: (still flabbergasted) So, you don't ever, you know, think about like your mom or what you are going to have for dinner or anything?
Simone: (still so serious. Not understanding at all the tears that are coming to my eyes because I am biting the inside of my cheek in an attempt not to fall on the floor laughing.)No. I only think about me. I am just being honest. I love me. I love the way God made me.
Me: (turning red from effort) I like the way God made you too. You are just right.

What kind of books do you suggest to someone who is only interested in themselves? I pondered with question for a long time, even lost some sleep over it. It finally hit me. I told Simone today that her year long project was to write her life story (yeah, all 11 years of it). She, of course, loved the idea. I told her that she needed to read lots of biographies and autobiographies so she could get some ideas about what to put in her story. She may or may not have seen through my ploy, but at least she is now somewhat excited about something that she can do in my class. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love that girl.

gesh

2009-09-01T21:52:00.002-05:00

I like to ask questions, okay? I need to be able to question every little part of an explanation to make sure I completely understand what the other person is saying. I'm probably a little slow, so just be patient when I ask a million questions. And don't get annoyed when I just repeat or rephrase what you just said. That is simply my way of comprehending something. Have I always been this way? I don't know. Probably. I KNOW that I am annoying, but I can't stop myself. If I reign in my questions, I will be lost. I hate that this is the only way I can learn, but I have tried several methods, and this is the one that works. I have to dissect something and then put it back together myself. I did not learn this about myself until I was a senior in college (I am a late bloomer, apparently). It was amazing when I finally embraced this. I got a 4.o that year.
This is what is making my job so hard this year. I have no one to ask my questions to. I am girl without a team. I am an oar floating in the ocean-well, that is how I feel anyway. I know this has to get better, but I sure feel like I am in over my head right now.
I am really trying not to be annoyed with myself and my MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of inadequacies that are stacking up, but I am making it really hard on myself. And the vicious cycle continues.

why?

2009-08-27T21:40:00.003-05:00

this is going to be written in all lowercase as my left hand is currently shoveling chips into my mouth. words can't even describe how annoyed i am at myself for said action. i am supposed to be on a diet, and until this week, i was doing pretty good. maybe it is school starting that has me stuffing my face. maybe it is the fact that john is not here to be my conscience. maybe i have the onset of pms. who knows. i do know that i am pretty much sabotaging all the good work i have done. i just hope i don't have to start at square one, but we had some friends over for dinner on tuesday, and they brought a pie, and LEFT IT HERE, and of course i had to eat it. it was taunting me. and i am just not one to waste food. starving children in china would be, excuse me, would have been happy to have that pie.

All this eating (okay, chips have been put away. Capital letters may resume) may come from the fact that I work for possibly the most foolish principal in the world. Let me preface this by saying that I work in a school of 1770 students in a building made for 800 students. Needless to say, we have major needs. Not to mention that we are being asked to justify how every single copy we make will further student learning. Basically we have the administration breathing down our necks about TAKS scores, budget, etc. That being said, let me just recount this morning's meeting. After the faculty celebrations, our principal took a deep breath and paused for dramatic effect. He then told a story about a woman who approached him during 6th grade orientation and asked him a simple question: If he could choose one thing for the school what would he want? At this point in the story, the teachers are all leaning forward waiting for him to tell us of the wonderful thing we are going to get that is going to promote student learning. After another dramatic pause, the principal looks at us and says that he could not think of anything. There was collective feeling of let down. However, with a twinkle in his eye, the prinicipal continues the story. I am personally there is going to be a fantasatic ending to this story resulting in us getting new computers or every kid getting a lap top or something. Since he could not think of one thing, the woman then asked him what two things he might pick. He looks at us eager teachers again and says, "Again, I couldn't think of anything." He proceeds to tell us that he led this woman into the front office so that he could consult...wait for it...his SECRETARY. She asks the woman "Is there any financial cap?" The woman says no. At this point us teachers are getting really excited. We must be getting something fabulous for our kids. Maybe a new computer lab since we don't have enough. Hell, maybe a door for the ISS rooms. The principal pauses again. He is totally enjoying the suspense he is building. He looks us in the eye and says, "Marcia suggested an electronic marquee for the front of the school. So, the woman walked into my office today with a $20,000 check. We are getting a new marquee!" I wanted to hit him in the face. A woman gives him a huge sum of money, and it doesn't even cross his mind to a) consult the teachers about what we think would be best, and b) ask for something that promotes student learning! He has been harping on that for a week! Am I wrong for feeling this is a complete waste of money? I'm not much of a confrontational person, I ususally prefer to grumble under my breath, but I am seriously thinking of asking our principal what we was thinking and how he justifies this. I can't even believe this. Okay, I think I am done ranting about all the things that annoy me.

On a short positive note, I am loving all my students. They are so precious. I love the way my classes are running. I am teaching a special reading strategies class, so my classes are super, super small which means that I get to form good relationships with all my kids. I am so excited about all the things that I can do for them. I am nervous about teaching something new, but I think this is going to be really good.

School is NOT cool

2009-08-20T21:31:00.002-05:00

Let me preface this by saying that I love teaching. I love forming relationships with my students and watching the lights come on. I love seeing kids find things that they are good at and learn to enjoy things they never thought they would. I love hearing how a kid found a book that he was passionate about or how one realized that a song was just poetry set to music. I love hearing the different takes that kids have on what they are reading. I learn from them just as much as they learn from me. I have been blessed with my job, but it PISSES me off when I am lectured for a whole week about how I need to do a better job teaching my kids, especially the poor, black ones (sorry, but we had a whole lecture on that today). I am mad that I have been lectured about how each kid learns differently (DUH!) and I need to make sure that I reach each kid, but oh, by the way, you are not going to have enough computers or overheads to do it. Also, even though you don't have enough computers, First period teachers, your kids are just going to have to pretend to use a computer because you don't even have a lab that you can take them to at that time. I understand that TAKS is something that we just have to face, but my gosh administrators, have some faith that we are teaching them the right things in the class room! Stop showing me charts and graphs about testing trends and tell me what the best methods are to reach the kids that are not passing. And stop making it sound like AMS teachers are not doing their job just because we are the 4th ranked middle school in the district. I have some news for you-the Kingwood schools do not have the demographics that we have. If my poor, black kid doesn't pass the TAKS it counts against us not once, but three times. Kingwood schools do have enough black kids or poor kids for those sub groups to count. So it is not fair for you to compare us to those schools. And it is certainly not fair of you to tell me that I am not doing a good enough job. All this "motivation" that you have been giving me this week has sounded something like this "Good job, but..." No, not but, just Good Job. We are doing a good job. We are busting our asses for these kids, and certainly not for the pay. Teaching is a labor of love, and I certainly love it, but I have not loved my administrators this week. I have been penalized for being ONE minute late to our faculty meeting (seriously, note in my box and everything), but these administrators can waste an entire week of my time. I have just been reminded of how little I am thought of this week. If I did not know that there are classes of little babies who need someone to help them achieve, I would be even more mad than I am now.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2009-08-10T00:20:00.001-05:00

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Mission Agua Prieta

2009-08-09T22:46:00.005-05:00

I have prolonged this post because I have just been at a loss as to how to describe my week. It was one of the best mission trips I have ever been on. I felt God's presence so strongly the whole time we were there, and he revealed himself to me in such reals ways through the laughter I shared, the smiles of the children, the tears of joy that were shed, and the gospel that was shared. I really can't describe the emotions that I experienced. To try seem futile. But I will say, the work we did was all for God's glory. It is what we should do as followers of God. It is not necessary that it be fulfilling, but in God's amazing grace, he allows us to be filled when we do. I arrived back home at the end of the week filled to the tip top.The Maroon Van ladies in all our glory! I love these women, and I feel so blessed to have gotten to know them and establish deeper relationships with them. Just one of God's many blessings on this trip!

This could possibly be one of my favorite pictures of all time! I love my Kelli-girl!

We did get to spend Sunday afternoon roaming around Tombstone, AZ. Lots of history in "The Town to Tough to Die." Ha!

My job was to stay in Pirtleville and work with the VBS there. I loved it! The kids were so great! They were way into the drama we performed everyday and the songs we sang. It was exhausting, but such a blessing to share God's love with his little children.

This is such a small preview. There is more to come!

Just for fun

2009-07-19T21:36:00.002-05:00

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a

Romantic Self-Improving Self-Knower

What great days are made of

2009-07-18T18:46:00.005-05:00

This has been one of those shiny, yellow, glowing days. Truly a great, great day. John let me sleep in this morning, which would have made it a great day in itself, but, oh my friends, it did not stop there. John taught Zoey "cheese" while I was sleeping. Look at those chubby cheeks! Love them!

We then loaded up the babe and headed downtown. I have a workshop ALL next week at Rice, so my precious husband drove me down there so I would know exactly where to go. Zoey fell asleep for little while, so the trip was pretty peaceful. When Zoey awoke, we took her to the Children's Museum. She was in toddler heaven in the 2 and under area. Driving her first car

Scoping out the toddler area with daddy

There was plenty for our little monkey to climb on!

Zoey's favorite thing was walking up and down the little trail that stairs and bumps. She got daring and wanted to run over the bumps, but only with daddy's help!

We had to wear booties on our feet. I felt stupid at first, but then I looked at all the other parents with booty clad feet, and I felt a little better.

Having so much fun in the tunnel. This time we we did not get stuck.

That museum is one cool place! I can't wait to take Zoey back when she can appreciate all the different exhibits. Heck, I'll enjoy them too! Z and Dad in a phone booth at the museum

After we wore Zoey out, John took me to Bubba's Texas Burger Shack. I heard about this place on Food Network awhile ago, and I have been itching to go ever since. John has gone without me a few times (grrr), but I finally got to experience the beauty of a buffalo burger. As a good 'ol southern girl, I have eaten my fair share of burgers, and this was definitely one of the best. To round out the meal, we stopped by the Chocolate Bar for some dessert. I am personally a lover of S'mores, and to my delight, they had S'more ice cream! It was the best ice cream I have ever put in my mouth.Chocolate ice cream with marshmellows and chocolate covered graham crackers-my taste buds were dancing. We brought some goodies home with us too. Zoey was a monster from her lack of nap when we got home, so she crashed super early, and John and I got to enjoy some homemade fried rice compliments of the hubs himself. Now I am sitting her anticipating watching HP6 with the brother. Seriously, the perfect day!

Aunt Christie

2009-07-18T00:13:00.002-05:00

I have been blessed to have a wonderful sister. Words don't even begin to do justice to what an amazing person she is and what a presence she has been in my life. However, even more of a blessing to me is that Zoey has been blessed to have a wonderful aunt. I am so happy that my sweet girl gets to grow up knowing and loving my sweet sister. I love that my sister will be an influence in my daughter's life. Goodness knows she was in mine. It is so clear that Christie adores Zoey. I love watching my sister love my daughter, because, simply, they are my two favorite girls in the world.It brings my heart close to bursting. I could not ask for more.

I am so frustrated!

2009-07-08T21:47:00.003-05:00

Just when I think I am feeling good about putting Z in daycare, something makes me second guess myself. I hate that! I just don't know what to do! I want to do what is best for Zoey. I know that nobody can care for her like I do, but I want the second best thing, and I am now doubting that is daycare. I know that they have a curriculum that they will teach her, but she has thrived so much under one on one care. She is such a happy kid. I don't ever want her to wonder if anyone cares about her. If she needs a hug, I want her to be hugged. If she needs to be changed, I want her to be changed. If she needs to sleep, I want her to sleep. What am I going to do????????????????
On another level, I just feel like a bump on a freakin' log these days. It is so hot outside-too hot to play (but also hot enough to eat ice cream everyday). So, Z and I just hang out inside all the time. I wish I had something stimulating for her to do everyday, but there are only so many things we can do without spending a small fortune. Maybe I should start teaching her an excersize routine so we can work out together. She would probably really like that. She is such a dancer. I mean seriously, I can sit on the floor and play blocks with her, but honestly, that just gets old after awhile. It is not like we are constructing the Taj Mahal or anything. We pretty much just take the blocks out and put them back in the bucket. Sometimes Z rocks the boat by putting the bucket on her head, but that can only last so long. So, again I am faced with the question, what do I do?
I am hitting a mid summer mommy low, and filling my void with ice cream, while delicious, is only making things worse. I want to hide my head under a pillow. Most of all, I just want someone to tell me what I should do. I need a life coach.

A weekend in smalltown, USA

2009-07-06T09:41:00.004-05:00

John and I are total festival goers. We just love walking around small town celebrations enjoying local culture. And there is something so friendly about a small town. When we were trying to figure out a place to take a little weekend trip, the idea of exploring a small town was so appealing. Plus, when you go far away, there is a pressure to be busy the whole time. One of the appeals of staying pretty close to home is knowing that if there is something you miss while relaxing, you really can go back.

We started our trip with a little tour of the Blue Bell factory complete with a little ice cream

The Brazos Bed and Breakfast was so tranquil. One evening we took a walk on the grounds and just enjoyed God's creations...

including each other!

Downtown Brenham was so cute! Even though it was SOOO hot, we enjoyed exploring all the antique shops. John was in photographers heaven.

To my surprise, there are two wineries in Brenham. We toured Windy Hill Winery on the 4th. The owners gave us a tour then fed up wine soaked hot dogs and watermelon. They were so nice! If you need something to do next weekend, the winery is having a grape stomp. It sounds really fun. We were tempted to go back, but we figured it would be a little difficult to stomp grapes with a baby in tow.

We concluded our trip with a tour of the Barrington Living History Farm in Washington. Although it was HOT, it was really cool. We have already planned to take Zoey back when the weather is a little cooler.

I fell in love with Brenham and the surrounding areas while we were there. The people were just so nice, and it seems like they are always celebrating something.We have already pored over all the brochures and decided which festivals to attend. I highly recommend this area for anyone who wants a little weekend getaway.

A Lovely afternoon

2009-06-26T23:53:00.005-05:00

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Ha

2009-06-23T23:06:00.003-05:00

I have to say it-I have one funny girl. She is always making me laugh both intentionally (she has discovered tickling, but that is another story) and unintentionally. Tonight was completely unintentional. My family was sitting around chowing down on fried chicken and corn on the cob, and Zoey just kept fussing and whining. We could not figure out what was wrong with her. She kept making the sign for more, which in Zoese is want. Then she kept pointing to the corn on the cob. Finally, just to make her be quiet, we just gave her a whole ear of corn. I thought she might play with it for awhile, but the girl was seriously jonesing for some corn on the cob. She knawed almost all the corn off. It was hilarious. That tiny mouth would open as wide as it could, and those 5 little teeth would work overtime. But she was happy. We were cracking up the entire time.

A Dear John Letter

2009-06-21T21:01:00.002-05:00

Dear John--

When I was sitting in church today listening to the man talk about being a good father, I felt peaceful. You are a wonderful father. Being a parent is so scary. There are a million things that one can do wrong. I feel like I am constantly making mistakes with Zoey. However, as scared as I am about messing up, I feel better knowing that you are by my side raising our daughter. It gives me peace. Zoey is a blessed girl to have such a great dad. Your love for your daughter is so apparent. You work hard to provide for her; you make church a priority in her young life; you make sure that she hears sweet things come across your lips although she is so young. You love her mother. You love the Lord that created her. I love to watch you love our daughter. It makes me love you all the more. John, I feel peaceful knowing that as the years pass and we add to our family and watch them grow up, you will be leading our family with love and faith. I love you. Zoey loves you. We are two lucky, lucky girls. Happy Father's Day, dear love.

Love,
A very blessed wife

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-10T23:47:00.002-05:00

What I love about Sundays

2009-05-31T20:58:00.002-05:00

As much as I detest getting up early, I love Sunday mornings. The main reason that I love Sundays is because I am a part of the praise team at church. I prayed for years for God to allow me to use the gift he gave me for his glorification. I was looking for instant gratification and I never understood why he would not want me to be leading worship. I think I may finally have an answer for that. During my quiet time this week, God showed me that when we wait on his timing, the reward is so much better than we become impatient and try to achieve what we want for ourselves. Of course God knew that our family would end up at Summer Creek Baptist church. And this is the best praise team that I could ask for. We have gone through some changes, but being a part of this praise team is one of the biggest blessings of my life. My favorite thing about being a "lead worshiper" as our preacher would say is that I have the privilege of watching my friends worship. It is such a sweet time. I feel like watching my friends lifting their hearts and voices is a peek of what Heaven is going to be like. I love it when the instruments stop playing and everyone is singing together. I can close my eyes and imagine that we are members of the Heavenly choir. Oh bliss. I am so humbled that God would allow me to stand in the front of his church and sing his praises. I really cannot understand why someone like me with all my flaws would be allowed to help lead worship, but God's grace says that I can and more importantly, that I should. God is so good. On that note, I stole THIS from my brother in laws blog, and it just drove home what I have been feeling all day.

Dancing queen

2009-05-25T22:07:00.003-05:00

Zoey the Menace

2009-05-23T18:28:00.004-05:00

Zoey has a love of animals, and much to Daisy's chagrin, she main object of Zoey's affection. For the most part, Daisy is a good sport, but there are times that Daisy just needs her "me" time. Zoey doesn't seem to understand the concept of personal space as demonstrated by the below pictures. Daisy often tries to find the one place that Zoey cannot find her, but Zoey is wiley in her own right, and she finds a way to torment that poor cat.

Zoey has also found way to torment mommy. She is simply into EVERYTHING these days. On Wednsday, I was putting the dishes away, and I turned to put the plates away and when I turned around I was surprised to find this little show:

Daring to go where no Zoey has gone before.

Finding the courage to stand

One small step for mankind; one giant step for babies everywhere.
Victory!

A Day at the Zoo

2009-05-23T17:43:00.006-05:00

I am way behind (and by the way, I HATE it when I can't figure out how to make the underlining go away!). Around Zoey's birthday, we took her to the zoo. She is quite the animal lover, so she just loved seeing all the animals. I didn't get tons of pictures, because I was so entralled with watching her love the animals.

John and Zoey checking out the pigs. Look at that open mouth. If we would have let her, I think she would have crawled right in to that pig pen.

Okay, so a squirrel at the zoo is not that big of a deal, but it was so close that I had to take a picture!

I love the giraffes and so did Zoey.

One mesmerized little girl

Zoey LOVED the petting zoo. I don't think the goats liked her as much as she liked them. She really liked their ears.

At the end of the day we had a very tired but very happy little bug!

The only dark moment of our day was when Zoey and I got stuck in the prairie dog tunnel. I thought after sitting in her stroller for so long, she would love crawling in the tunnel and watching the animals, and I was right. What I didn't take into account was HOW much she would like her freedom. I couldn't her to come out. I am very claustrophic and it was so hot in the tunnel and I was on my knees in grit and sand, and I almost had a panic attack. I think John was a little concerned, because he came to my rescue. He let me come out so he could crawl in and retrieve a noncompliant little girl. Note to self: The prairie dog tunnel with a one year old is NOT a good idea.

For Robin

2009-05-18T22:13:00.002-05:00

The 8

My8s
8 things I am looking forward to
1.Spending the morning with John tomorrow.
2. Slipping between clean sheets
3. Going to work tomorrow
4. Celebrating Emma and Lexa's birthdays this weekend!
5. Seeing Jenn and Amy on Wednesday
6. Getting my TAKS scores back
7. Spending sun soaked days with my mom and sister
8. Having another baby someday
8 things I did yesterday
1. Rolled out of bed and took a shower
2. Watched the children's choir sing-LOVED IT!
3. Took a glorious nap on the couch
4. Cleaned 3 toilets and a bath tub
5. Met some cousins that I did not know
6. Bathed a princess
7. Snuggled a little kitty
8. Shared the grief of a friend
8 things I wish I could do
1. Not be scared of throw-up
2. Shop as much as I want
3. Make sure that my husband really knows how amazing he is
4. Be a super mom
5. Have a cleaning lady
6. Get up and ready before Zoey does
7. Go to grad school
8. Spend more time with my sister
8 shows I watch
1. Bones
2. The Big Bang
3. How I Met Your Mother
4. House Hunters
5. Ace of Cakes
6. King of the Hill
7. Big Love
8. True Blood
8 people I tag
Kelly
Jenn
Sarah
Beki
Kendra
Johanna
SAJ
Natalie

For my mom

2009-05-09T15:09:00.002-05:00

Dear Mom,

I approach this Mother's day with a bit of wistfulness. It is only in my recent years that I have realized what a valuable asset that you have been in my life. However, it is not that all of the sudden you have become the wise woman that you are; you have been this way my whole life. I have come to realize that I have been spending the past several years trying to tell you what I should have been telling you my entire life. In my childhood I should have been thanking you for the countless hours you spent wiping my tears and making me laugh. I should have thanked you for all the lunches you made me and all the clothes you bought me. I should have thanked you for waking me up in the middle of the night when I was coughing to make me drink a little bit of lemon juice. I should have thanked you for pulling my hair in a pony tail when I was sick and putting a wet rag on my neck. I should have thanked you for all the thought you put into Christmas and Easter and how your excitement for holidays was contagious. I should have realized that it was not the things in our house that made our home so warm, but the love that permeated each room. I wish at the time I could have thanked you for punishing me and pushing me. I wish in my teenage years I would have thanked you for having discernment when it came to my friends-you were always right. I wish I could have thanked you for all the dance hairstyles you paid for. I wish I could have thanked you for making me clean my room. I wish I could have thanked you for being strong for me when I was crumbling under the weight of teenage angst. I wish I could have thanked you for loving me when I was less than lovable. I wish I could have thanked you for modeling the importance of giving back to others.
Now that I am grown, I guess I will spend the rest of my life trying to thank you for being the definition of a mother. The older I get, the more I realize how it is only by God's grace that I was born into our family. I know that not everyone is so lucky. It is extremely humbling.
Mom, the older I get, the more I realize that thanks is never enough. Thank you for giving me your eyes. Thank you for giving me your excitement. Thank you for raising me with a love for others. Thank you, mom.

Love, your daughter

I am pathetic

2009-04-26T23:25:00.003-05:00

Okay, I just entered Zoey into a baby contest. I know I am completely delusional. Every mother thinks her baby is the cutest. Zoey is so beautiful to me; I am just hoping someone else agrees. I guess I just want a validation of what I see. Regardless of how other people view her, she is my sweet baby girl. Here is the picture I submitted:
Okay, you can laugh at my patheticism now.

unshrouded

2009-04-20T11:08:00.002-05:00

For a few weeks, I have felt beat down. Just an unexplainable sadness. I have prayed about it, but today I realized that I was praying for the wrong thing. I kept asking God to bring back my joy, when really, I should have simply been meditating on who he is, because when one's eyes are focused upward, how can you be burdened with the mire at your feet? With the beautiful weather today, it is so easy to revel in the wonder of God. He is the creator of the trees in my backyard. He is the lender of the blue jay perched on the geraniums. He is the wind through the red tips. He is the warmth on my feet. Oh contented sigh. "Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture." Psalm 100: 1-3

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-15T21:59:00.004-05:00

rhwerhlirwewhilgtkwharoihgokhuw

2009-04-13T18:48:00.000-05:00

blah blah blah blah blah. I suck. blah blah blah blah blah blah. I think that sums it up.

Happy Birthday Zoey!

2009-04-10T09:18:00.005-05:00

A year ago today, my little Zoey made her entrance into the world. It was quite unexpected, because her due date wasn't until the 19th. But my dear friend, Joelle, the one who told me I was pregnant, and then the one that predicted it would be a girl, begged that I have her on the 10th so they could share a birthday. Well, she got her wish. The day started pretty normal. I was sitting in bed with the husband eating a peanut butter sandwich. If I had known that would be the last thing I would eat that day, I would have picked something better. John was getting ready for a meeting he had to go to. I was very bummed because I wanted him to go to the doctor with me. The previous week the doctor had sent me to the hospital because of some tests she needed run on me. I had had to go all by myself because John was at work and I was terrified. So, when the next doctor's appt came about, I was a little scared the same thing would happen. Right before he had to leave, John got a text that the meeting was canceled, so he decided to come to the doctor with me.
When we walked into the doctor's office, she took one look at me and said "You are starting to look like the Stay Puff marshmellow girl." It turns out that I had gained 14 pounds of water weight in one week. My blood pressure was getting a little high, so Dr. Boyd said, "Let's have a baby." I was so happy that I almost cried, because I could not take one more day of being pregnant.
When John and I got settled in at the hospital, the enormity of the situation settled on us. We prayed together for me and Zoey, and I got ready for the fun.
About 11:00, they came in and started my Pitocin drip. About an hour or so later, my water broke. A little bit later, the epidural came (sweet, sweet epidural). Around 8:30 that night, the epidural wore off. About every 5 minutes, I begged to start pushing, but the nurse said it wasn't time yet. I wanted to kill that nurse. Finally, at 10 p.m., I was at a 10. I pushed for 30 minutes, and then the miracle happened. Zoey was finally here. She was a meconium birth, so they had to whisk her away to clean our her lungs before they gave her to me. However, I caught a glimpse of her and just cried and cried. Finally, they laid my baby girl in my arms. I was tired I was afraid I would drop her, but I couldn't believe that she was finally here. John said, "I'm so proud of you." I said, "Why?" He said, "Because you made a beautiful baby." Now, our beautiful baby is a whole year old, and I can't believe it. It has been the longest and shortest year of my life. Here is little year in pictures review:

Zoey's birth day

The first time I saw her

The two birthday girls

One month: Mother's day

Two months: smiling at Uncle Matt
Three months: 4th of July
4 months: learning to roll5 months: Made in the shades

Six months: photo shoot

7 months: Happy Thanksgiving!Eight months: Little elf

9 months: Enjoying the swings

Ten months: mesmerized by the TV
11 months: Beautiful girlphoto property of inthelightphotography

12 month photos to come!!!

Want to see some dirty pictures?

2009-04-09T20:11:00.004-05:00

Zoey decided that she needed to help John in the yard. While she was hard at work, I guess she also got hungry. Being the genius that she is, she took advantage of the organic material that she was working with. Who needs a snack break?

She is a good sharer. I did not find the dirt as appetizing as she did.

I think she was really trying to get as dirty as possible.

This is how dirty girls get clean:

internal scream

2009-04-02T16:38:00.002-05:00

I am at work right now, and I should be doing so many other things, but I cannot focus to save my life. My mind is racing in about a million directions, and my palms are sweating. John and I have been talking about the future. Mainly what to do with Zoey next year. The plan is daycare, which makes me so nervous I could throw up. Then he mentioned how much it would cost for her to go full time, and I almost started crying. The thought of leaving her all day long is devastating. Being a part time teacher and full time mom is quite possibly the hardest job in the world, but I would not trade it for anything. My identity is completely wrapped up in two different people-Mrs. Knippers, 6th grade teacher, and Zoey's mommy. Those are two such contradictory positions. I love teaching. I have quite literally give my blood, sweat, and tears to this job. I have grown to adore my 6th graders so much, and I love getting out of the house in the afternoons. Teaching gives me purpose. But the mornings are so sweet. I can't imagine not being able to sit and read with Zoey before her nap. I can't imagine not chasing her around the house. I can't imagine not watching her play upstairs and joining in when I am invited. Mommyhood gives me purpose too. I know myself too well to think that I won't be leaving before she is awake and getting home only a few hours before she goes to bed. She would forget me, and I would miss out on all the great things that she does. I don't want someone else raising my child. My gosh, I am sitting at my desk crying about this right now. John made it clear that I do not have to go back full time, but I am so in limbo in so many areas right now. I don't know what my position will be. Part time jobs are not as stable. They fluctuate with the number of students. I know that I need to give this complete anxiety to God. I know that he already has the plan mapped out. I know that he is teaching me to trust him more. But that does not make it any easier. I have had a knot in my stomach since Wednesday, and it just keeps getting bigger. I may have an ulcer by the time this is over.

Ahem....a list or two

2009-03-24T21:57:00.002-05:00

I was reading another blog, and I was inspired to make a list. Here is a list of things I will never do, unless forced against my will. It is a bit hard to think of these things, because, honestly, there are so few things I won't try. However, I will try my best. I will never:

1) shave my head
2) eat a Scotch Bonnet pepper
3) teach elementary school
4) go to Detroit
5) install a stripper pole in my bedroom
6) doubt that my daughter is a miracle
7) stop believing that God shows us a small portion of his love through animals
8) go to a rap concert
9) stop eating meat
10) look like a super model
11) be a virgin again
12) find apple juice appetizing by itself
13) wear hammer pants
14) get another tattoo even though I want one
15) say never

Here are a few things to counter the above list. This one was much easier to come up with. I will always:

1) try to meddle in other people's lives too much
2) remember this year with the worst and fondest memories
3) have my mother's eyes
4) be a Simpson girl at heart
5) love dessert too much
6) wish that I looked like a super model
7) love to snuggle in bed
8) like to read
9) celebrate holidays
10) love to shop
11) say bad words when I am extremely provoked
12) rely on the kindness of strangers
13) think toes look better painted
14) sleep best in my own bed
15) know it doesn't matter who I am or what happens to me, God is sovereign

Okay, that is all that is on my mind right now. The end.

A bit of a let down

2009-03-13T19:10:00.002-05:00

I used to be able to taste Spring Break like a piece of candy rolling around on my tongue. Next to Christmas break, it is the sweetest time of the school year. Today, I found myself waiting for the thrill of a week off to sink in. While I was sitting at my desk after school, I was struck with the realization that I'm not really getting break. While I won't be leaving the house to go to work, I will still be working hard-harder than I would be at school. Zoey completely exhausts me, and while I cherish Wednesdays when we get to spend the whole say together, I have found that school is still my refuge. I kinda thought I was past all that, but apparently I am still not "one of those moms." It has been almost a year; when does that finally hit?
Lately my shoulders have just been aching, and I think this is compounding my thoughts about Spring Break. Zoey is getting hefty, and the idea of carrying her around day and night makes them hurt worse.
I am positive that this will be a good week, but honestly, I am still a little nervous about 24/7 Zoey. What the heck was I thinking when being a stay at home mom crossed my mind? Crazy, delusional girl.

Day at the races

2009-03-07T20:13:00.004-06:00

Actually it was more like an hour at the races, but whatever. It was such a nice day and Zoey looked so cute that we decided to go cheer on Aunt Christie and Grandpa's Running Mustangs. I am always up for a good track meet. I love to watch the 400 and the high jump. I feel like this is ironic because I look about as athletic as a potato, but it is in my blood. We didn't get to stay as long as I would have liked because it was pointed out to me by someone I don't know that Zoey was going to get sunburned. I was a little annoyed, but then realized she was right as I forgot to put sunscreen on her before we left as soon as my brother in law got there. We had to say Hi to him first of course. We just love that BIL.

My dad is the high jump coach, so we spent most the time watching his jumpers.

Zoey was giving Grandpa some tips on his high jumpers. "See that girl? Tell her she needs to jump higher. She keeps hitting the bar."

Zoey's favorite part of the meet was walking around on the grass. I didn't blame her. If my sandals squeaked, I would probably have been running around too.

Zoey was desperatly trying to make friends with this group of runners. I don't what attracted her to them, but I think it has something to do with that yellow bottle of Gatorade sitting on the ground.

A post for Gran

2009-03-07T19:45:00.004-06:00

I was informed today that my Granny checks my blog everyday, and I thought she might like some recent pictures of our girl. She has been on the move lately! There is no stopping her. I waited and waited for her to walk and now that she does, I find myself feeling a little wistful about how big she is getting. She really isn't my baby anymore. Sigh.

Giving a kiss to Nan. Look at those neck rolls. I just love them.

I like to think that she is contemplating life in this picture. From her expression, it seems a little grim. Debbie Downer. Wah, wah waaaah.....

She was not so happy with the ears, but they were so darn cute that we just kept trying.

Finally got the ears off, and all is well once more.

Our little model mugging for the camera. So pretty.

This is about as much cuddling as I get these days. She does not like to be kept still.

"The one who holds the remote, holds the power."
This picture should tell you who is really in charge in our house.

This picture is so deceiving. She is never still. Apparently something on TV caught her attention. I wish I knew what it was so we could buy it. She does look pretty cute sitting pretty in her big girl chair.

cheater, cheater, ice cream eater

2009-03-03T20:48:00.002-06:00

I am completely pathetic. I cheated already. I was doing so good, and I lost all my resolve when I walked into my sister's house. She always has the best junk food. On the other hand, Zoey discovered that she loves ice cream. I was sitting on the floor eating mine, and Zoey was literally climbing all over me trying to get the ice cream. It was nice for me, because she has been a grouchy groucherson today.It only took a little imagination to make believe that she was just trying to snuggle me. I'll take my love any way I can get it.

writer's block

2009-03-02T21:02:00.002-06:00

I have nothing to say-nothing at all. I must be pretty boring. Nothing especially exciting has gone on lately. Right now I am pretty much writing just to take my mind off of the brownies that are sitting in my kitchen. I have been inspired by Heather to cut the carbs. She looks great, and I am over due to feel good about my appearance. I am one day down-which is a huge thing for me because I have horrible self control. So, here is a list of random things that will help me take my mind off of the brownies and the Dove chocolate bar laying on the counter taunting me:

1. I am drinking a glass of skim milk, and must say, it is a poor substitute.
2. I am not wearing pants right now.
3. My husband is funny.
4. I just read a great book called Love is a Wild Assault; didn't think I would like it, but it was fantastic
5. I almost sent Heather a text that said "Feeling a little Pig Headed today?"
6. I really need to mop the floor
7. I need to call Toni and Misty in the worst way
8. I can't believe that we only have about 12 weeks of school left
9. I am a shameful grader-my kids must hate me for that
10. I rock at being able to spot kids chewing gum
11. Two of our youth came over to hang out last night and it was awesome-they are so cool; I want to be friends with them forever, and I secretly hope they get married even though they are only sophomores in high school
12. I want to buy all new underwear from Soma; I wish they would sponsor me
13. I hope when we grow up, our family is as cool as the Suescun's.
14. Sometimes I am so full of excitement, joy, etc. that I must do a little jump.
15. I got some new flip flops on Saturday because while we were out shopping my stomach started hurting and I am convinced that it was because my feet were hot.

Okay, who needs the carbs? Oh, I do.

photo update

2009-02-16T21:22:00.008-06:00

I have been told that I do not post enough pictures, so here goes. And, I apologize in advance for the video that is the wrong way. I promise it is worth the crick.
John was playing peek-a-book with Zoey under a freshly washed blanket. The effect was Dr. Zoey, mad scientist.

My friend Dawn's girls, Abby and Raelyn, spent the afternoon with us. Abby loved "watching" Zoey. She wanted to hold her and feed her, but when Zoey pulled her hair, it was over.

She loves to read. The other day she just decided to plop down with one of her favorite books. She was turning the pages and everything. I was in bookwork heaven.
Zoey loves her Pop...and his glasses. I love the way she is looking at him. So sweet.

Getting her swing on. The girl is crazy about swinging! We have a swing that we still need to install...we've had it since Christmas. Maybe by her birthday it will be up. :)
A kiss and a walk

tragedy

2009-02-16T18:09:00.003-06:00

I am grieving along with a friend right now, and I would appreciate prayers for her family. I can't imagine going through something like this, especially for this friend. Words can't describe how deeply sad I am for my sweet friend, and God's ways are a mystery to me, but praise the Lord that we know he is in control.

7 Quicktakes Friday

2009-02-13T22:21:00.002-06:00

1. I am deathly afraid of throw-up. I did not want to have children because I was afraid they would throw-up. Well, on our way to drop Zoey off with the Cains, she threw up all over EVERYTHING. She has always been quite the spit-up queen, but this took the cake. She was covered. It was even all over the back seat. All I could think when it happened was that I wanted to help her. I thought I had a break through, but when we got home and I realized what happened, I completely freaked out. I had to control my urge to cry hysterically.

2. I have discovered that I may suffer from chronic confessing. I am always telling people too much about what I have done, eaten or said. I don't know why, but it may have something to do with the guilt complex I have.

3. Today, I made Heather pretend we were hiking in the mountains during our walk. For a minute, it was like a cartoon commercial where everything morphs into the thing in your imagination. I could literally see a wooded trail before me. It was great, but then again, it only lasted a minute.

4. I love Jack's Big Music Show. I would watch it by myself.

5. I am craving a little pampering. I want a haircut and a pedicure so badly. However, when I started working part time, those were things that I cut out of my personal budget. So sad.

6. Walking with a partner is so much more satisfying that walking alone, even if you are listening to music. However, when walking with a partner, you cannot dance down the street to your favorite song.

7. When receiving flowers, my new favorite place to put them is on my nightstand. That way I can look at them every morning when I wake up and every time I go into my room.

a dad and his daughter: a love story

2009-02-04T22:22:00.005-06:00

Once upon a time there was a man who fell in love. He loved her eyes; he loved her smile; he loved her laugh; he loved everything about her. As he carried his sleeping girl to bed, he realized that wrapped around her little finger was his favorite place to be.

The dad loved his daughter and the daughter loved her dad. And the mommy felt like she was the luckiest of them all.

solitude

2009-02-04T21:39:00.004-06:00

Being a mom has changed me in so many ways, but one of that things that I noticed today on my walk is that I really like being alone these days. I never realized how important solitude was until I never had any. At bible study this week, Rachel asked us what our idea of peace was. I didn't even have to think about it; my idea of peace is sitting on the couch by myself in total silence. I love spending time with my friends and family, but it is so rare that my thoughts are completely my own. When Zoey is anywhere nearby, at least half of brain is focused on her. I think that is why moms are so tired at the end of the day; your brain is working overtime all day. And the more kids you have, the more work your brain has to do. Moms work damn hard for Mother's day in my opinion.
So much does the idea of being alone appeal to me that I have daydreamed about dining by myself. I think that I would enjoy being the mysterious loner flipping through a book and sipping coffee. A bit of myterium (I just made that word up) is stripped from every woman when she slips that ring on her finger, but mystique pretty much evaporates when a girl changes her name to "mommy." I used to feel really sorry for people sitting solo at a table, but now I realize that it may be the only bit of solitude that they get. I love to meander around a store in quiet not having to worry about whether Zoey is happy or needing to eat or sitting in poop. I can allow my thoughts to wander where they will. Sometimes I don't think at all. My brain is at rest.
Well, this is just a bunch of blab, but like I said, it was just something I learned while I was walking this morning-alone.

blarf

2009-01-27T21:22:00.003-06:00

i decided in the sake of trying to hastily relieve my annoyance with myself that i would not capitalize anything. i am thinking about leaving out punctuation too, but that is probably going too far. i had such a good time with the Lord yesterday, and i even talked about it this morning at bs. however, one evening put me two steps back. i was wasting time looking up people from high school on facebook, because apparently i am twelve, and so many people seem to be leading exciting lives. i am forever comparing myself to other people. why do i do that? it is always going to make me feel bad about myself. all the sudden my life is small and pitiful. my dreams are not redirected but dead. is all this true? no! God has simply led me down a different road. tonight that is a painful thought. tonight that is too heavy. but, i am right where God wants me to be. and sometimes, when i allow myself to take my eyes off of my heavenly goals, the tiny enormity of my life comes crashing down. reality? i have a heavenly father who knows my name; he knows my passions; he is using them to minister to other people whether i know it or not. it is so good to know that it would be presumptuous of me to assume that God is not using me for his glory. he does not need my permission. okay, I feel better now. I knew that I needed to put things in perspective. I would hate living in New York anyway. The only thing that would make this better is a little attention from my husband (wink, wink).

I heart the 80's

2009-01-25T21:23:00.005-06:00

In keeping with my party planning ministry (or just excuse to party), my friends and I planned an 80's themed birthday party for two great girls. When my girls go all out, they go ALL OUT. It was, like, so much fun! I mean, fer sure! I love my friends so, so, so, so, so, so much!

All the girls

We forced the birthday girls to take the "cutting the cake" pose. It was classic.

I'll never look at twizzlers the same way.

Our best Romy and Michelle

Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans?

2009-01-20T21:25:00.010-06:00

I am often drawn to places that seem to share my spirit of celebration. New Orleans certainly is a place where the party never stops. John whisked me away over the weekend to join the celebration. I soaked in the revelry as we walked down Bourbon Street. I love to hear the roar of crowds. I often think it is more fun to view the party from the outside. It is all the cheer without the regret. The music permeating the streets was intoxicating enough for me. I adore jazz music.
New Orleans, however, does not seem to share the aforementioned sentiment. She is a city in a constant state of recovery from year long hangover (her trees are laden with beads faded by a year's worth of sun exposure); her remedy of choice seems to be hair of the dog as each night was a little wilder than the last. Or, maybe it was simply that we boldly ventured a little further down Bourbon each night.Although heavy lidded from the late night, New Orleans is a city with just as much to offer her daytime patrons; those whose "poison" isn't necessarily of the alcoholic persuasion. It was quite an experience, and thankfully, I will remember my trip much more clearly than most of the people who travel there.

7 Quicktakes Friday

2009-01-09T22:42:00.002-06:00

I got this idea from a friend, and since I always have random thought floating around in my head, here it goes:

1. My kiddos were absolutely insane today! I charge them "tiger tickets" (tickets they collect as rewards and can buy stuff with) to get out of class on time. Usually it only takes two threatened tickets to get them quiet; today it took 5. That is A LOT!!! I wanted to strangle myself. I think I even told them that they made me want to hang myself. They thought it was funny.

2. Yesterday Zoey took two steps in a row. It was so exciting. Today she took a whopping 0 steps. I had every expectation that she would be zooming around the house by now. She is hardheaded.

3. I bought this book called I Can Make You Thin. I saw an ad in my junk mail from B&N that said "Do you want to be thin?" I said, "Yes I do" and clicked the ad. The book said it could make me thin, so I bought it without hesitation. A big deal for those of you who know me. Mainly because it comes with a hypnosis CD. I want to lose weight, but I don't want to work very hard, so maybe if I am hypnotized I won't notice what I am eating. I keep thinking back to the movie Office Space when the main guy tells his friends that he is going to a hypnotist about his job. His friends give him some grief about it, and he states that the hypnotist worked for his girlfriend's weight loss. One friend says, "Peter, she's anorexic." Peter says, "Yeah, the guy is really, really good." Not that I want to be anorexic, but a little discipline would be nice.

4. I finally took my wedding ring in to be sized this week. I kept thinking that my hands would go back to normal, because you never really think about gaining weight in your fingers. I have managed to gain weight everywhere. I hated not having anything to wear on my ring finger. I wore lots of different rings, but nothing quite made me feel married. I decided that while I was at the jewelry store I would buy myself a thin white gold band to wear while I wait for my ring to return. It sounds funny to be getting one now, but I had one before that fell down the sink at a bed and breakfast that John and I were staying at last year. I was devastated. Anyway, as soon as I put the ring on in the store, I felt elated. I stuck my ring finger in the air and sang a little tune. I did not realize how important it is to me to carry around a symbol of my marriage to John. When I put that ring on, I felt more like a woman again too. It is funny what one small ring can do for a girl.

5. Yesterday, Jack decided that he would attack Daisy. He does this often, because he is quite literally the devil, but yesterday it seemed like Daisy decided to attack back by losing as much hair as possible in the process. (When cats get mad or fight they lose chunks of hair.) I guess Daisy thought she could use a diversion on Jack. If she lost enough hair, maybe he would think another cat had entered the kitchen and he would lose his focus on her long enough for her to sneak away. Like a little black phantom. Too bad it didn't work. I wish I had a picture of this phenomenon. Daisy probably lost a pound of hair. Okay, maybe that is an exaggeration, but it felt like a lot when I was cleaning it up.

6. I think God is beginning to reveal to me that party planning is my spiritual gift. I just really like hosting parties and planning outings for my friends. I recently co-planned a 30th birthday party for a dear friend, and it was such a rush. I can't lie, I loved the praise I received for the party, but even more, I love how special it makes the guest of honor feel . My friend said that she got really teary, and I was so overjoyed that she felt so loved. I appreciate my friends so much, and I feel like everyone should be celebrated. One of the ladies at school jokingly calls me the "cruise director." I feel like God has given me this spirit of celebration for a reason, and I am still trying to figure out how to really use it for his glory, but it is exciting to know that I CAN use my joy for his glory. God is so good.

7. Nanny Kelly has been such a blessing in my life. Not only because I know that when I am gone that Zoey is in the best hands possible, but because her family has even fallen in love with her. They are such wonderfully loving people. I am so lucky to see Christ's love radiated through people just doting on my daughter. Being a parent gives you a whole new perspective of how God views his children and how he feels about us. It is awesome. I really feel like Zoey has three sets of grandparents. Mrs. Karen (KayKay) and Mr. Greg are so wonderful to my sweet girl. I especially love how Mr. Greg is just so taken with her. Everything she does is just perfect and wonderful. It shows me how much he must adore his own two girls and how much he must love being a dad. I ate dinner with them tonight, and I was in heaven. I just love, love, love that family.

2008-A year in Review

2009-01-02T21:14:00.002-06:00

At the request of a friend, and because I am grossly procrastinating, and because I am trying to resist the temptation to eat lots of chocolate, and because John is forcing me to watch a Larry the Cable Guy movie, I would like to take this time to reflect on the previous year.

Let's see, 2008:
Rang in the new year by growing a baby in my body
Was showered with gifts and blessings by dear friends
Gave my unborn child a built in legacy when I picked her name
Gained entirely too much weight
Met my bug for the first time
Lost a lot of sleep
Fell into a black hole
Met (or was reunited) with a friend who not only helped pull me out of the hole, she put on many hats for my family
Took my bug swimming
Celebrated five years of marriage with my darling in San Francisco
Moved the bug upstairs
Started getting more sleep at night (HALLELUJAH!)
Received the perfect job
Fell in love with 6th graders
Celebrated 27 years of life with my nearest and dearest
Was infuriated with 6th graders
Took a little Chinese girl trick or treating
Gave thanks for my family
Put some miles on my running shoes
Became Santa Claus
Shopped/Ate/Slept in the new year with two of my favorite ladies

Okay, there it is. It was a bumpy year to say the least, but it was full of blessings and lessons. It is a year that I would never want to re-live, but one I will look back on with fond memories. I have several things that I want to leave in 2008, but "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 3:14)

Lookin' fine in 2009, baby!

The glory of the bug

2009-01-02T20:48:00.002-06:00

Please oh please check out this blog about my little baby bug. It makes me laugh.